Wasn't Expecting You

Alone

It's always when you think things are going along great that something happens to bring you back down to reality again. Remind you of where you came from, what your life used to be, that you can never truly escape.

It never really goes away, it's just hovering there in the background for when you are finally feeling like you turned a new leaf. Then without warning it taps you on the shoulder, reminding you of everything you tried to walk away from.

I had Wednesday's off, so I usually worked a long shift. Today was no different when I got out of bed, showered and left the dorm room to walk to The Busy Bean.

What was different was the phone call I received on my walk to work. It was my old foster mom, Helen. I hadn't heard from her for over a month, just a quick text after college started confirming I had settled in.

We were like that, we would go months without talking, but when we saw each other it was like nothing had changed. I always knew that if I ever really needed help that she would be there.

It was odd that she was calling me, but I welcomed it. Thinking she was just checking in, or maybe had good news for me. Her biological daughter, Grace had been due for a baby soon, maybe that was it.

I was wrong. So, very, very wrong.

I'm still unsure how she was the one tasked with letting me know. She shouldn't have been involved in any of this, but a small selfish part of me was glad she was.

I didn't react when she told me. I thanked her for the phone call and continued on with my day. Determined not to let her ruin yet another day of my life.

I thought I held myself together, but Sandra noticed I was off today. She commented more than once how I was quiet. Too quiet.

I was clearing tables after the morning rush had ended when I dropped the tray I was carrying, cutlery and plates crashed to the floor. Leftover scrambled eggs splattered across the floor and up the wall.

We cleaned it up in silence. I blamed it on being tired and clumsy. Sandra appeared to accept that excuse.

Late morning, just before the lunch rush, I was making coffee and I managed to burn myself. Scolding my hand with boiling hot water. I almost didn't feel it.

Sandra helped me run it under cold water and cleaned up the mess I made. She pursed her lips and didn't say anything, just sent me on my lunch break.

I ate my lunch quietly. Checking my phone and seeing a couple of messages. Joey, saying good morning. Harper letting me know she was going out for dinner with some girls in her creative writing course. Ali sent me a paragraph long message complaining about Mindy. I replied to all of them as I pushed the food around my plate.

After the lunch rush, Sandra had finally had enough.

I got 4 people's orders wrong, messed up one persons change and then dropped the last chicken pesto focaccia, meaning we had to offer a refund or replacement to that customer. Sandra pulled me into the kitchen, away from any customers.

"Morgan, what's wrong with you today? Your head has been elsewhere all day. Did you have a fight with Joey or something?" She asked, not accusing, but caring.

I looked up at her, willing the tears to stay away.

"I just got some news this morning. It distracted me a little bit, I'm okay, I promise."

"You're not just distracted a little bit Morgan. I think you need to go home, I'll take care of things here, you take care of you. Don't worry, I'll pay you for your full shift."