Sharing Cigarettes

20

Alice Avery

Ricky and I did what we do best, sit on the roof of a building and smoke cigarettes. Unlocking my phone I opened the camera and he was right, I did look like a raccoon. I embraced it. Luckily, we got through the roof doors without sounding any type of alarms. It was no abandoned building but it would do.

Ricky pulled a pack of Marlboro Reds from his pocket as we sat ourself on the ledge, getting a birds eye view of the city lights.

"I think this is our thing." Ricky broke the silence, a cigarette held between his lips.

"What's that?" I ask as he lit the cigarette to life.

"Smokin' cigs on rooftops."

I gave him a soft smile. He then rested the cigarette on my bottom lip. I took it into my mouth and inhaled the harsh tobacco, he pulled it away and I blew the smoke into a cloud. Yeah, this is our thing.

"Y'know I'm glad I lost that race." I said out of the blue, he tilted his head in confusion. "When Trent and I raced, I'm glad I lost."

"Yeah, why's that?"

"Because we probably wouldn't be here together. I lost, drove to a roof and got drunk with you. All the secrets we told each other brought us closer in the end."

His tongue coated his lips and he took another drag from the cigarette. He then handed it to me, I was confused by his silence.

"My mother's name is Robin, that's why I have the necklace. It's for her."

Sure I was hammered the night he told me about his mother but, I remembered it. 12 years ago Ricky's mother died from a drug overdose.

"I know she was a drug addict and all so she kinda chose to leave me but," his voice was raw, bearing an emotion I have never seen him portray before. He looked at me through shiny eyes. "She was a good mother."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she was." He sniffled, running his hands down his face as he took a deep breath.

"And once she died, my father he-" He fell silent.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I spoke in a comforting tone.

"No I want to tell you." He took a deep breath, "Once she died, he did too. I don't just mean he drowned himself in alcohol every night and lost himself, he took his own life."

My heart dropped, he was just a kid. Just a child who had no parents to guide him through teenage years. He suffered, maybe he was still suffering. He refused to look at me, he looked down to the ground below us.

"There's moments where I want to join them, I just never get myself close enough." He muttered quietly, his head still hung low.

"And the abandoned building?" He finally looked at me; a little more force in his voice. "That's where I grew up and where I found both of them-" He looked away, he didn't have to finish his sentence, I knew what he meant.

"So there, now you know everything." He flicked the cigarette off the building and let out a large sigh. I saw through him, he was fighting it.

I put my hand on top of his. "You're aloud to cry Ricky," I said slowly and he just closed his eyes.

"I don't want to," he struggled out.

"I know you don't want to, but you need to." I said in a understanding tone. He fought to look at me but he eventually did.

"I don't wanna feel like this anymore, I wanna be happy."

I swiped away a tear that had fallen. He was crumbling, and he need to, just like I did.