The Formidable

50

Madison sat on the edge of the bed, idly staring at Mia looking back at her warily as she reached for her teddy. There was a new unease in all of her child's movements, a fragility that hadn't been there before. Madison let a fresh tear spring free at the thought of how Benny had treated her baby to cause her bright and bubbly personality to retreat and be replaced by a timid echo of the girl.

"I love you," she said weakly. Mia looked at her with her big eyes. She looked so innocent with her dummy in her mouth and her wild curls sticking up in all directions. Another tear ran down Madison's cheek when she remembered that Mia wouldn't ever get to bond with her grandad. The toddler dropped her teddy, crawling over to her mum and pulling her into a hug.

"Is okay mummy," she soothed delicately.

"I'm okay, baby," Madison replied, hugging her back, wiping her tears furiously and feeling rather pathetic that her child, who had just been kidnapped, was having to comfort her. She felt the furthest thing from okay. Her mind was fuzzy and none of her thoughts followed a structured process. It felt as though her world was collapsing around her and all she could do was sit as it went up in flames. It hurt, it all hurt so much and she couldn't take it anymore.

She was angry, first and foremost. Angry that Jase had allowed it to happen and angry that her dad had taken the first option they were given. They could have thought of another way. There should have been an alternative but they'd kept her in the dark. Mickey wouldn't even have a grave she could visit, he'd just be disposed of like every person he'd disposed of over the years. Then, she supposed what went around came around and she should have expected his death to happen in this fashion. Anger was something she could deal with, something she could handle and almost control. It was far easier to digest than sadness. The bottomless pit would drag her under its strong current if she didn't shake out of it soon enough. For the time being, however, there was no light at the end of the tunnel and Madison was being chewed up and spat out every day. She was tired of it all.

*

"Is Mia okay?" Kieran asked Jase as they sat in the living room. He hadn't smoked a joint for years and he certainly wouldn't usually allow it with Mia in the house, but Madison wouldn't be coming downstairs with her any time soon and the alcohol was doing nothing to help his distress.

An immense sense of guilt had shrouded him since Madison's episode and he began questioning whether he was right to let Mickey go with Benny so easily. Internally, he was at battle with himself over whether there was another way to get Mia back whilst trying not to think of it because if he did come up with another solution, there would be no escaping the guilt and forget Madison forgiving him, he'd never forgive himself.

"Jase?" Kieran questioned again. Jase refocused his eyes, looking at Kieran through the smoke, raising his brows slightly in a silent bid to get him to repeat his question. "Is Mia okay?" Jase nodded absently, that was another thing he didn't want to think about, she was uncharacteristically quiet and he knew that he and Madison would have to address it at some point. He didn't want to think about anything right now. He'd done enough of that and for a few hours he wanted his mind to stop running around in circles. Unfortunately, Sam had other plans.

"So what now?" he asked. Jase chewed the inside of his lip, he didn't particularly care. The past few weeks had been the most stressful weeks he'd ever experienced. He was wiped him out.

"With any luck, Benny will stick to his word and treat this as a truce. He got what he wanted," he replied.

Janine raised her brows.

"You think Madison will let this lie?"

Jase sighed. How much further did this need to be taken? Were more people going to have to die? Because he didn't want to find out who was next. In fact, he had a good idea to hop on a plane and disappear, with Madison and Mia of course. Janine took his silence as a sign to continue. "Benny just killed her dad-"

"Technically he killed himself," Sam mumbled under his breath. Janine rolled her eyes at him.

"He kidnapped your baby. Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you putting money on his head? Where the fuck did the Jase we know go?" she questioned, her voice getting more and more irate as she carried on. "You've cut people for far less. Now isn't the time to wallow in self pity. This doesn't end here and you know it." He'd had enough of her now as well, tilting his head back and taking a deep breath.

"Yes, it is, Janine. It's all done. I'm done. This has gone on long enough."

"And you think Madison is just going to swallow that?" Jase glared at her. She'd never been very good at knowing when to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself. She scoffed. "You know, out of everyone here, I've definitely hated you the most at times but I would always give you your dues when it came to standing your ground-"

"Janine, that's enough," Sam said calmly, seeing Jase's jaw muscles jut out as his temper rose. It was too late, Jase snapped.

"No, carry on. Say what you've got to say. Get it off your fucking chest because you obviously feel pretty strongly about it to get so far up on your fucking high horse." Janine froze, realising she'd pressed one too many buttons. "As much as you may think I'm backing down and bitching out, for once I have something else to prioritise over my reputation. I have a daughter to look out for and I'd really prefer it if I didn't have to get anyone else's blood on my hands because, just like with Madison's dad, anything I do now could blow up in her face one day and I'd really like to avoid that. So please, I implore you to resume telling me how quitting while we all still have our lives is the dumb move."

Janine grit her teeth.

"She's just lost her dad and you're acting like it's nothing more than an occupational hazard-"

"Because it is, Janine. That's exactly what it is in this line of work. We all know the score, don't do the crime if you can't do the time and that's what Mickey's doing now, his time. And I get it, Madison has been through hell of a fucking lot, and she was dealt a shit hand, but so were all of us and all we can do is make the best of it. I would love more than anything to make all of her troubles go away but I am one person and right now, I'm ready to cut my fucking losses-" he stopped when he saw Madison stood in the living room door. Her cheeks and nose were red from crying, eyes swollen and sore. Mia was sat on her hip, on the verge of tears herself. Jase sunk back into himself real quick, unsure about how much she'd heard and more than aware that he sounded incredibly insensitive when the wound was still so fresh.

Madison seemed to take every cold word that had come from his lips on the chin, not even bothering to defend her dad or express her own feelings and temper concerning the situation. She was on autopilot.

"She needs some more nappies," she said quietly. Jase's mouth was dry from his outburst, he nodded slowly, suddenly feeling very small.

"I'll go get some," he said gently. A brash contrast to how he'd been just seconds ago. Madison glanced at everyone briefly before turning and making her way back upstairs. For once, grateful for the room that had acted as a prison for so long to feel like more of a solace. Jase leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees and fingers running through his hair.

"From now on Janine," he started, lifting his head and looking over at her, "just let me do what I'm good at and you stick to the girls. Not every situation needs your fucking two cents." He got to his feet, picking up his keys and leaving without another word. Sam looked at Janine. She was more angry now that he'd exploded at her than she was with the choices he was making.

"What?" she asked with more venom than necessary. Sam shook his head.

"You're always the first person to stand up for him, and the first person to tear into him. Pick a side."

Janine rolled her eyes.

"Because I'm telling him the truth. Madison won't just let it go and if he tries to make her let it go then she'll resent him even more-"

"Then let them sort it out, stop getting involved so intensely. They're both dealing with a lot, it's fucking hard to think when everything is so loud." Janine sat back with a huff. Sam was right, he often was. But Janine and Jase were always at each other's throat one second and laughing the next, this dynamic was nothing new, they'd both get over it.