Let's Talk Boobs

Introduction: Why talk Boobs?

Yes it is a body part. However, it's a part that can carry an immense amount of weight literally and figuratively. People who have/had breasts each have their own unique experiences with them. You would be surprised how much mental and emotional space boobs can take up. There are a multitude of feelings that can come along with boobs. Such as: awkward, embarrassed, scared, confused, pained, excited, sensual, grateful, grief, disgust, confidence, affectionate, protective, proud, hatred, love, etc. Boobs carry a relationship to femininity which not all people care for. They have an impact on posture, health, body image, self-esteem, identity, relationships, etc.

The idea for this came from various places. I definitely have my own complex relationship with my breasts (as written in later parts) and can easily recall many experiences related to my boobs and the way that I was impacted physically and emotionally. Throughout my life, in most of my friendships, boobs are discussed in some way or another. Sometimes as jokes other times really seriously. I feel like as of late, these conversations are only increasing. Maybe that's due to age and life experiences, maybe because there's more agency around surgical options for breast, maybe due to the increasing number of peers getting breast cancer, or maybe having the understanding and ability to test for the BRCA gene (gene variants that can predict a likelihood of breast and ovarian cancers). Most likely it's a combination of all of the above. Even beyond those discussions, there has been a large uptick in the amount of time my clients are talking about boobs in session. All of this leads me to believe we really need to talk about boobs.

Physical development is a monumental experience. This delicate time of life comes upon us all at various ages. When occurring very young it can be upsetting and confusing. A pre-sexualized being dealing with adult-like issues: attention, clothing concerns, and peer comparisons. When development occurs a bit later, it can also be some of those things, but being older carries the gift of time. Understanding what to expect, possibly wishing to be like peers. Or feeling like there never was the development that was wished for. Some people pray for boobs that never come, others pray for their boobs to go away. All too often children become sexualized when they develop. This is often a scary and traumatic experience. One in nine girls under eighteen will be sexually abused or assaulted. That's a scary statistic. Just because the body matches an adult does not mean the brain is adult-like at all. As people get older they may choose to self correct their concerns surgically with an augmentation (enlargement), lift, or reduction.

Development carries a whole new meaning when considering gender dysphoria (defined as the sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity). It can be absolutely traumatic to experience. Another visual way to feel like your body is betraying your true self. Chest binding can be a huge help emotionally and mentally. Physically there can be some risks to the skin, muscle tension, posture, and breathing concerns if not done properly, over an extended period with no breaks, or depending on the type of binder itself. Top surgery (removal of breast tissue to produce a masculine appearance) for some is the end goal to gain the outward appearance desired to match the true self. The removal of breasts can be so freeing in this instance.

Clothes and fashion are a part of our identities and how we show our environment who we are. Our boobs play a big role in either the comfort or discomfort in clothing; coupled with the feedback of others. Looking back through popular media over the years, there is an obvious change for each decade regarding the "in" body type- therefore which size breast is the ideal. Since fashion is ever changing, it can be hard to consistently be happy with the boobs you have as some fashions can only be pulled off with certain body types. Athletics do not lend themselves well for those with larger breast sizes. There are specific body types that fit the ballerina, gymnast, skater, dancer ideal. Even if the activities are none of those, movement can come at a large cost to comfort if the right bra is not worn. In some cases these are multiple bras or bras that really break the bank.

Motherhood puts breasts through the wringer. Starting with discomfort, inflation, milk coming in, engorgement, nipple pain, mastitis, and deflation. Thankfully lactation consultants are becoming more mainstream as nursing is not as easy or natural as it's made out to be. Even if one chooses to not nurse the breasts still go through their own changes. It's a hard adjustment in a lot of ways to sit with the ways in which our bodies will never be the same afterwards. It also changes the more time that's past or how many pregnancies one has had. Women's health is mostly directed towards breasts and reproductive systems. Getting breast checked through mammograms and manual checks is something we all have to do to maintain our health. Breast cancer's current statistics place one in eight women as having breast cancer and one in three of those becoming metastatic. Those are scary high numbers.  The ability to test for BRCA gene allows women to make the choice to take preventative measures for cancer by surgery. It can feel like a betrayal of the breasts when sick as well as feel less womanly after mastectomy surgeries. Do the boobs make the woman? Or do the women make the boobs? What does it mean to have your breasts and nipples removed? While there are many great options for reconstructive surgery, everyone's emotional and physical process is unique.

So, why talk about boobs? Because they come with a lot of personal baggage and hurdles both literally and figuratively. These powerful, authentic stories hopefully bring into light the true struggles around boobs and help others feel less alone in theirs. Let's talk about boobs now.