Lou x reader (one shots)

Let Me Go. Part 3

5 Months Later

Since the incident the days had rolled into one, your memory of what happened was vague and still looking back you have blank spots. The one thing that stuck was the emptiness that invaded your whole body, the heaviness of just having to wake up and face the next day. The endless therapy sessions and the countless 'how are yous' where enough to drive anyone to the brink, but you manage to keep going. Keep trying.

Fighting. That's what you was doing, every scar on your body and mind where reminders of why you are doing this. Living everyday, you'd get there. You promised yourself, no one else. This was for you, and by god would you make sure that eventually you'd be able to live the life you want. No you deserve. You lived each day at a time, slowly regaining some form of structure and the big mass of blackness that you once were was slowly molding back into a person.

The dynamic of your relationship with your friends had changed dramatically and were also a difficult subject. They all texted you now and again making sure you're ok. Or that you're alive. When you went into recovery and had to be supervised, your only option was to go back to the loft and have the 8 women who you didn't even want to breath the same air with, look after you. It wasn't the finest moment as even if they tried to have any in depth conversations with you, there would be a blank stare with harsh words. They where all patient and allowed you to have your fits of rage and sadness, they would always help you afterwards to calm down.

You spent the nights there crying and wishing that Lou hadn't pulled you out the water that night; the look on her face when she had to leave you with the paramedics was enough for the guilt to invade you're whole being.  Both Lou and Debbie stayed throughout your time in hospital, not many words had been exchanged and they didn't pry. They knew how much they had hurt you, they damn near killed you.

Things started to change when you had to stay in the loft, you don't know why but it became a routine and some form of comfort when either of the two women would come to your room with meals or medication. Orders from the doctors was that they had to make sure you ate and took your meds, so you were forced to talk; little things at first, asking about the weather or the news. Then suddenly you were having full blown conversations with the two of them, hours would pass by and for a moment everything was still and calm.

But once they left the room, the same blackness would come back and you'd be reminded that you're alone; many times you'd found yourself in the arms of Lou or Debbie not knowing how it had happened. There was a difference in the relationship now, more level ground. There were no longer daggers behind your eyes when you stared at them, you looked more like a lost kitten just looking for someone to care for you. Maybe they could?

You are on the right path, there is no telling what will happen; right now you're trying to survive, fight everyday. It's hard, sometimes too hard and it feels like the life is being sucked out of you; but you carry on. Waking up sometimes feels like you're drowning in that ocean again, the salt water burning your lungs and the moon pulling you in; waiting for you to sink into the blackness. Then other days them waves are mere ripples, a smile is on your face and you forget about what is happening for a while.

The thing is it'll never be ok, life is something that you will never understand; but one thing is that wasting days, months or even years on all the bad memories, the people who have hurt you and how you've hurt yourself will never be as important as living the best life you can. You are loved in many different ways, you've got a new start and you're gonna try your hardest to enjoy it; with Debbie and Lou by your side.

The End.

Hi guys,
I know it's been a long time with updating this story; the truth is I just didn't know how to finish it. I didn't want it to end bad or good and I sort of want you to take from it what you want.

My mental health isn't the greatest at the moment but I have to remind myself to keep trying and that's what I want for you beautiful people as well. This chapter has been written over the past months so if the change of tone/ story is different that's why. I was going to delete it and start again but I sort of like how I've developed it.  See it more like notes of how my own mental state has reflected it over the months. I will keep writing as well and as always if anyone needs a friend I am here.
Lots of love
Be kind.
:)