My First Love..

🌼 Chapter 32

<°° JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V °°>

It's been a few weeks since Y/N's miscarriage and as normal as Y/N pretends to be, I know she isn't fine.

After leaving the hospital, neither did she cry nor did she say another word about the miscarriage or our baby to me.

It hurts me. It hurts me how she is so close but yet so distant to me now. It hurts that she is hiding the emotion behind the blank expression everyday. Weeks passed by and we didn't even spend a night watching TV together. Dinner would be mostly silent, with just short conversations which I'd be initiating, of course, otherwise nothing other than this.

It's like she is here but she is not really here..

Whenever I tried to get close to her, to touch her, kiss her or just even try to hold her hand, she'd flinch or make an excuse and create this wall between us.

Weeks. Weeks and we haven't even cuddled to sleep.

How did we end up like this..

"Um.." I cleared my throat as I walk in her office. "Y/N."

She looks up from her computer screen to me.

"Can we.. Let's have lunch together."

"I'm not hungry, you go ahead." She replies.

"Y/N, it's been days since we have-"

"Jungkook, I have so much work to do, I can't just leave right now. You go ahead and have lunch."

"Y/N.. You can't just-"

"Just what? Leave this? This is more important right now Jungkook, why don't you try and understand?"

"Try and understand? I've been trying to understand you, to understand everything ever since we went through what we went. Can I even name it in front of you or would you ignore it just like you're doing right now??"

"This is not the time-"

"Then when? When is the right time, Y/N? You don't even bother talking to me at home and not even here, I've been trying so much, so much to understand you but why am I the only one trying here?? Are you done with me, with all of this? For weeks I've been waiting for you, trying to give you time, space, everything, for what? You don't even have-  you know what forget it, I'll go have my lunch. Make sure to eat though, I'll leave you to your work."

🌼🌼🌼🌼

< °°Y/N's P. O.V°° >

Once we came back home, Jungkook head to the shower straightaway leaving me behind.

We didn't say a word to each other during our drive back home.

To be honest, I have been feeling numb and empty ever since I lost-

But I don't want to keep crying, I don't want anyone to see me crying, then pity me and blame me for whatever happened. I blame myself enough and the last thing I want is for anyone else to do the same.

I walked to the kitchen, trying to figure out what to make for dinner until I decide otherwise. Take out would be better, I'm too tired, physically and mentally, too tired to cook right now.

The dinner went silent. Not that it's something new, Jungkook and I have been quite distant and it's definitely not his fault. I'm the one to be blame here. He tries so much, it's true, he does but I, I haven't be cooperating.

I want to cry with him, I want him to hold me but I don't want him to go through what he already did again.

I know he's hurt too, but I don't really know how to make him feel better. Heck, I don't even know how can I make myself feel better.

No. I'm strong, and look at me I haven't even shed a tear for weeks. We are fine. I am fine, Jungkook is fine. We are both moving on, aren't we?

I hear Jungkook sighs as I turn away from him.

Maybe I do need some more time, but this wouldn't drift us apart, would it? I'm trying to bring myself back, to feel again, at least something but it won't harm us, and our relationship, will it?

================================

Just a short chapter but an update yeah!!

I haven't had time. Too busy reading or watching stuffs and don't even know when the time passes by and then I'd feel guilty that I didn't even make an effort to write.

But, I want to do this at my pace and when I feel okay to..

I'm sorry that I kept you waiting for so long for an update. 😭

Anyways...
I hope you like this chapter and DON'T FORGET TO VOTE 🌟

Thank you for being patient and reading💜

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AHEAD OR NIGHT IDK👀