The green leaves of the summer had started to lose their colors to yellow, or were they finally turning into their real colors?
It was my parent's idea that I needed to get help. It's been a week since Lisa confirmed to me that Jesse left for Massachusetts. My siblings resumed school, while my parents signed me up for distance learning from home. The evening hours of my day was when I got help.
I went into cognitive behavioural therapy with someone my Father knew. At first, It was weird at talking with Maya about my issues, but now I had gotten used to talking to her and answering her questions without feeling like she was asking too much. Maya was a pretty good listener so it felt like I was getting heard.
Session 4
"What do you feel is wrong with your life?" She asked me, grabbing her pen ready to write on her paper. I sighed and stared into nothingness as I played with the fidget spinner before I started to talk.
"That I don't deserve getting assaulted by the same person, thrice." I responded.
"Tell me more," she prompted me so I continued.
"I mean, it didn't have to be me. If it was the dress, why did he still come back to me when I wore baggy clothes, if it was my hair, why did he still come back when I cut it," I stared into the deep green acupressure mat under my feet.
"June, none of the things that happened to you was your fault, you are just a victim of circumstance," she told me.
"An unlucky one at that," I chipped in as I nodded to that, it wasn't the first time I was hearing it. But I believed it now, because all the things I did to divert his attention away didn't work, so he was clearly the maniac.
Session 5
"How was your day today?" Maya asked me as she placed the tea on my table and tossed the spinner to me.
"Well, biology sucked. I had network issues so my class didn't go well, asides that, nothing spectacular." I responded and she nodded to that with a smile.
"Okay. June, we'll be going into your eating habits today," she prepared me and I nodded with a sigh.
"What thoughts go through your mind before you decide to do that?" She asked me.
"Well," I started as I thought about more things to say. "I'm usually consumed by this desire to change myself, my body."
"Okay, so does anyone's presence trigger your episodes?" She continued.
"Usually Oliver, I basically started to fill my stomach in the hopes that he wouldn't find me attractive. One time I saw a beautiful girl and wondered what it was like living in that body, I had an episode after that." I explained and she nodded as she listened.
"Does anyone's presence help you to not binge-eat? Family, friends, anyone?" She continued.
"That would be Jesse, in a good way, he's a great distraction, my sister also has prying eyes, I tend to stop it when she's around, to avoid the questions." I responded.
"Earlier, you told me your sister hated you," she asked me.
"She does," I responded.
"Have you ever thought that the way she pries into everything you do is because she cares?" Maya asked me, this time dropping her paper to concentrate.
"The nasty things she says would make you change your mind, Maya." I answered her.
"There are certain types of people who believe that showing vulnerability is a form of weakness, they are often consumed by the need to put on a tough front, to dominate and to show others that they are tough," she explained to me.
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
FINDING June
Tiểu Thuyết Chung{Completed} When we got hurt as children, we went running to our parents, they would scold us and treat the wound until it was cured. As we became older, we realized that the wounds we showed our parents were the ones that healed quickly because so...
