The Election Connection

Chapter 11

The rest of the day is a blur. All I can recall is science class, and Noah leaning over to try and whisper something to me, but I cut him off.
"I don't want to hear anything, okay? I just want some space," I tell him, trying to hold myself together. I won't let him get under my skin again
Seeming to get the message, he leans away and resumes his work.
When I leave for school Tuesday morning, I open the door, half-expecting Noah to be standing there on my front porch. But he's not, and I walk to school alone. Thankfully, we've both finished our parts of the science project, and now that I submitted it online last night, there will be no more forced interactions required.
The school day pretty much flies by, and Tara, Jocelyn, and I walk to my house together. Once we've raided my kitchen for snacks, we lounge about in the living room, enjoying being the only ones in the house. We switch the TV on, putting Legally Blonde on in the background. We're about halfway through, when Elle finally has landed herself a position as Professor Callahan's intern, when Tara pauses the movie.
"Jocelyn, can you get us some more snacks please?" Tara asks, looking over at her with wide eyes.
"Of course," Jocelyn gives Tara a little peck on the cheek and leaves the room.
"Beck, I know we haven't talked much about the whole breakup situation, but I wanna make sure you're okay," Tara leans over to me and squeezes my hand.
"I'm fine, I told him I wanted space," I say to her.
"Okay, you know I love you, right?"
I nod, and she continues.
"Real talk for a sec. I know you want to play Olivia Rodrigo on repeat and feel like Elle Woods, but you and Noah had a real relationship! You opened yourself up, and you got hurt. It sucks."
"It does suck," I say quietly.
"This was your first relationship, Beck. You made yourself vulnerable and you ended up with a broken heart. That's not easy to deal with. But, I don't want you walking away from this relationship with a permanent wound. You deserve closure, and if you ever want to move on, you need it soon. We all wish we are lucky in love, and I know that I'm lucky to have Jocelyn, but most relationships don't work out. You need to see that it's healthy to move on. To do that, you need closure from Noah. To get that, you need to talk to him. I know it's scary, because he made you feel safe and then shattered that safety, but you have to have a conversation with him if you don't want to feel super crappy all the time."
"Thanks Tara," I tell her, wrapping her in a soft embrace. "I'll think about it, I promise. Thanks for being my gay best friend."
"Uhh, no," she corrects. "You're the gay best friend, not me."
"Whatever," I say with a shove, as Jocelyn returns with the snacks.
We hit play, and I try to shake Noah from my mind, instead focusing on Reese Witherspoon doing the iconic Bend and Snap.
~~~~
It's Wednesday night, and I'm laying down on my bed, looking at my phone, when I hear a knock on my door.
"Can I come in?" I hear my mom ask.
"Sure," I say, as she comes in and sits down at the edge of my bed.
"I heard about what happened with Noah, your sister told me," she says to me. "And I wanted to tell you about this guy I dated in college named Jack."
"Um, Mom, I think I'm fine," I say to her, rolling my eyes.
"Can you please just listen?"
"Fine, fine."
"So, in college, I dated this guy Jack for a couple of months. It was going pretty well. Then, one day, I was eating at a diner when I saw Jack, sitting in a booth with another woman. I knew it wasn't his sister, or any family member, as I had met them all before. It made me so angry to see him with someone else, to think he was cheating on me and lying to my face. I walked up to him and yelled "We're done!" and then I furiously stormed out of the diner. Dramatic, I know!"
She chuckles to herself before continuing.
"Anyways, that hurt me. Seeing someone I trusted betray me like that left a mark. For the next couple years, I was really jealous in every relationship I had. Anytime my boyfriend was even close to another girl, I would get angry. It took me a long time to reach out to Jack about what happened because the wound still felt so raw, even after all those years. I was in this relationship, see, and I thought that he might be the one. So, I decided to clear things up with Jack. I couldn't go into the most important relationship of my life without finally moving past my problems. Turns out, that woman was a family friend who had fallen on hard times. She was in town, and so he had decided to help her out, let her stay with him. I, of course, didn't know of this at the time. Communication on his end definitely would have helped things out, but I also jumped to such an extreme conclusion that it affected so many of my future relationships. If I had just gone to Jack and asked for an explanation, I wouldn't have hurt so many other people with my toxic behavior. After I cleared things up with Jack, I proposed to your dad. It made me realize I was finally ready for something serious, something built on trust and honesty. I think that's what you need from Noah: an explanation, a reason, anything that will allow you to not be held back by one mistake in your first relationship. Besides, you're teenagers. Making mistakes is what you do. Y'know what your Abuelito, my dad, said to me? He said, 'Isabel, los errores son una oportunidad para crecer. No mires atrás con arrepentimiento. En cambio, mire hacia adelante con la esperanza de que habrá cambiado para mejor.' 'Mistakes are an opportunity to grow. Don't look back with regret. Instead, look ahead in the hope that you will have changed for the better.' I say the same thing to you now. Grow from these mistakes, and you will flourish. Okay?"
"Okay Mom," I softly acquiesce.
"Love you," she plants a soft kiss on my forehead. "And you'll be okay, I promise."
She leaves my room, and after the events of the past week, I can't help but feel really tired. I try to rest my eyes for a second, but I fall into a peaceful sleep, filled with dreams of Jennifer Coolidge and Reese Witherspoon in court.