An organised mess

The narcissist chased the voice of the echoist

You're so much better than the drug

and it makes me sick knowing you are doing it every day

she told me she is only telling me because she loves me 

why does she think im worthless 

I absorb home truths for you

I know you love me 

why do you smile every single time I cry?

why do you latch onto my past 

why do you so-aggressively keep me from facing my fears 

and you tell me it's to protect me, 

and you do not like it when I am not near. 

I know you love me, 

why does she believe there is more out there than me?

why does she always tell me she loves me, 

but she is always so desperate to leave. 

She keeps saying she knows there is more, 

but I do not understand what else there could be, 

surely my love is all that she needs. 

You're so much better than the drug, 

but I will not ever stop the in-take 

I can't help but manifest in thoughts that your love is fake, 

so much give 

so little take 

and every time I try and take a step forward, 

I can see you melting in hate. 

I'm sad, I'm angry,

it must all be because of you!

because you chose to leave me at home by myself, 

to do what you want to do, 

and I consume myself in all the possibilities,

in all the things you could be doing, 

and I drown out the doubt, 

and desperately try to suppress my screwing. 

   

Why is she texting me so blunt?  

she told me to leave her by herself, 

was it all a front? 

Where is the all-loving girl, telling me what she has made for dinner

and now she is with-holding her love, 

I went to have fun,

but now I feel like a sinner. 

I just wanted him to be with me, 

he reminds me of my worth, 

and when he is gone, 

I start to feel like the earth's dirt, 

I ponder and wander about my purpose and place, 

and I forget about my purpose and place, 

when I can't see his face. 

I know she struggles without me, 

that'll teach her, I knew she would go insane 

I'll drown her with love 

and then i'll walk away, 

up up and up I take her, 

then down I watch her fall, 

I am the narcissist, 

chasing the echoist's call.