Apology Not Accepted --|Shockwave x Vehicon Reader |--

Distractions

     We have lost the Predacon. Darkmount has been taken over and probably destroyed. Lord Megatron has become increasingly angry. Commander Starscream keeps a close optic on me and my fellow vehicons continue to hate me. I can no longer feel the bond with my carrier, she has severed it completely, and it has left me with an empty void that pains my spark. That bond kept me going sometimes... it was a form of strength, and it had been taken away as easily as anything. Shockwave tries to keep me busy, so I do not think about it, but in the end my processor finds a way to wiggle the constant barrage of negativities and torturous thoughts, and I begin to simply not care. I scrape my armor on accident, leave deep gashes untreated, not caring that they might become infected. Shockwave always notices them, but it's not like I try to hide them, I just don't tell him. He complains in his facticious way of his, and I don't even give a smirk at what I know I find adorable, and simply irrisistable about him. Each day I seem to lose more and more of myself, draining out of this empty hole my spark has been left with. I want to cry, I want to wail, but it will get me nowhere, and only prove my weakness further. Why was I created this way? So fragile, so useless, so weak.

         "(Y/D), you are distracted again."

I cursed towards myself, and started to clear up the spilled energon once more from the metal counter, the blue liquid finding it's way onto my servo. Lifting my servo up, I watched as it dripped back to the counter. Plip, Plip, each drop producing a variety of ripples that disappeared as they spanned out across the pool. I watched as my soaked appendage was pushed down, and looked over to see Shockwave's singular optic.

         "Something troubles you, and you will not tell me."

         "You're speaking to a defective working class vehicon," I deadpanned, "There's much that troubles me."

         "Perhaps, but that did not force you to act like this in the past. I would like an explanation, and pray, make it a logical one."

There was an undertone of warning to his words, and I sighed, knowing I would not be able to escape the needed explanation. He deserved one anyway, Shockwave saved me after all.

         "It's stupid," I said, "My carrier broke our bond, and the other vehicons hate me. Commander Starscream practically breathes down my neck cables waiting for me to mess up, and I fear Megatron will send me away every time he comes in."

I felt the tears come, and build up, but I refused to let them fall.

         "Why do you label this as 'stupid'?" he inquired, and I glared at the scientist.

         "I am a vehicon, none of this should matter to me, yes collectively we are scared of Lord Megatron, but that is more out of a fearful respect. Commander Starscream breathes down everyone's neck cables, how am I any different? And no vehicon has bonded with anyone on this war ship, not even those who have come to love each other, thinking that it will make them weak, so why does having a severed bond hurt so much?!"

     The tears simply ran, tumbled and slid down my faceplate, I had no control anymore as they fell, mixing with the energon still not quite cleaned up. The sensation of a gentle servo met the back of my helm, and I was brought forward to cry on Shockwave's chassis as he wrapped his other arm behind me. His one servo moved down to my backplates, and gently soothed me with small, slow circles as I cried. Why was it so hard to keep my tears in? Why can't I be just like the others? Strong and almost fearless. I'd rather be thought of as a mindless drone than be seen as weak and helpless.

         "You fail to understand that no vehicon knows the wonder of a bond," he stated monotonously, "It is said to have a feeling of fulfillment, and when that feeling is taken away, one is left empty, and alone, even if that same being is in the same proximity as you."