Do I qualify as crazy?

I will be what I needed

I want to be the mum that I needed

The dad that I craved 

How I ached in his absence 

How I wish he had stayed 

I want to be the brother that I idolised

The Nan's whose wise stories wouldn't fade 

How I wish she noticed my bruises 

How did they not see my pain 

I want to be everything I needed 

I will wash away the pain with tears 

Holding my own convulsive hand 

As me and my younger-self confront my fears 

Winds whispering truth

Raindrops of healing 

Sunrise and open eyes

As I awaken with the earth 

And accept every feeling 

I'll be the loving mother I wanted

I'll be the protective father I craved

I'll look up to myself 

And be the queen of the stories I make 

I'll be everything I wanted 

As my healing tears speak open truth 

I'll tell myself I will be okay when I am scared

I will not neglect my needs with a hoof 

I'll horse around when I am not feeling stable 

Promising myself that I am always able 

As I dance in the raindrops of my healing 

Never judging myself for any of my feelings