Cookie

18

I'm still looking at the sky crying when strong arms wrap around me pulling me against a hard body, the earthy scent I could recognize anywhere invading my senses making my entire body relax in the sweet embrace. 

"You were thinking about your sister?"

Liam's voice is husky, still full of emotions from our talk, when he whispers into my ear I don't feel the usual warm feeling inside me, I feel like I just got home after a long day at school, at pace and safe. 

I nod tears still falling on my cheeks.

"Tell me something about her, Nataly. What pops up into your memory when you say her name?"

I close my eyes picturing Criss's face, my face, and the memory I was searching for comes to me, making my body weak and my heart tremble. Why did she have to leave me?

When I speak again my voice is low and soft, it sounds like I am almost whispering. 

"Our talks, every time I close my eyes I see me and her in my room talking for hours and hours, never getting bored, never getting tired. But there is this one time that breaks my heart thinking about it. "

Liam starts walking with me in his arms to a bench that was close to us, he sits down pulling me to sit between his legs. When I sit down he rests his head on my left shoulder our cheeks touching and wraps his hands around me shielding me for the cold autumn night.

"We were just starting the third year and after the first two weeks Luke asked her out, like on a date. Criss liked him, but I thought the guy was not good for her. You see, Luke was a player, he was very handsome and all the girls were around him, but since he met Criss the first day of school, he wouldn't let her alone."

I feel my eyes hurting because of my tears, my voice is trembling, but Liam moves his hands around me, inviting me to keep talking. 

"Luke would always stay around her, teasing her, making fun of her voice, her clothes, about pretty much anything. He would steal her a kiss in the cafeteria or the library, and she would think they are together and be so happy about it, but the next time she would see him, Luke would be with some random girl flirting making her jealous and hurt. So, naturally, I hated him with all my heart. That's why when he asked her out I was so upset with her for saying yes..."

That memory makes me feel so ashamed of myself because I was such a bad sister for her in her last months of life... She was happy, she found love and I wasn't there for her, I was always a bitch about her relationship, about Luke...

"I told her she will fuck her and leave in the first night they went out, Liam. She left the house crying and I hoped he will send her back home when he will see her with red eyes and running mascara."

"Did he?"

Liam asks when I stop talking.

"No, he didn't. They started dating that night, she comes home so happy, but I wasn't happy for her at all, I was so determined to hate the guy because he hurt her at first, that I didn't allow myself to get to know him, to see how much he loved her. "

I turn around to look into his eyes crying, but unable to stop talking, because it's the first time I talk about this, it's the first time I allow myself to remember everything that happened.

"He loved her, Liam, so much! That night at the party they were so happy, she was laughing so hard and he was looking at her like there was no one else around. Luke gave up Cambridge because he would want to be away, chose this shitty college to be with her... But they were happy and in love and I was so upset about it!" 

I cry so hard at this point that I can barely speak, my throat hurting like knives are stabbing me.

Flashbacks of me trying to convince her that Luke is irresponsible, that we can't get in a car with a drunk guy, even if I was the one bringing him that bear, convincing him to drink it, because what could a bear do?