internet friends

un-fuck you? -13

ROXIE P.O.V.

I am not mentally prepared to settle this with Billie. Not in the slightest. But I'm going to do it anyway. I figure it'll hurt, but I also figure it'll hurt less to just get it over with. 

So, I'm waiting for her to knock on the door. The door's locked just in case. I always keep the door locked. It truly just leads to less awkward situations-- I think you can imagine what might have happened, but I won't say. 

The knock comes. I get up and look through the peephole. It's her. My heart races faster and I internally scream at myself for that, but I open the door anyway.

"Hi," She says, meekly. I've never heard her like this before. She's normally so confident, but now she's just shy. "Rox, listen, babe, I'm really really sorry, it's not what it sounded like. I promise you, I fucking swear..." Billie's already tearing up. 

"Hey, hey, calm down. Shh, hey, look at me." She jerks her head away and winces. She brings her hand up to her neck, giving it a quick massage. "It's okay." Lie. "Just tell me what happened." 

She shivers a bit, but then goes on to tell the story. "So, one of my best friends is a lesbian, and she used to have a crush on me. Apparently, I am an oblivious fucking idiot. I just thought she was being friendly, so I reciprocated! And then, when she confessed to me, I was just... really confused. I ended up hurting her by accident because I was fucking stupid. I guess I accidentally lead her on." She sounds almost winded. "That's what my brother was teasing me about. He won't so it again, I'll make sure of it." 

"I was the one overreacted," I admit. "It wasn't right of me to get upset with you, okay?" She sighs, shakily. 

She runs her hand through her hair a couple times. "Nah, you were upset with me because you thought I was leading you on, didn't you?" She asks, her eyebrows raised. 

"I mean, yeah, but that wasn't fair of me to assume. Especially now after hearing what actually happened." She lets her head rest between her knees. "We really gotta work on this."

She hums. "What?"

"Communicating. I should've listened to you and let you explain rather than just storming away." Billie nods, closing her eyes. "I'm really sorry, Billie." She looks broken. I did this to her. She's hurt and it's my fault. 

Her voice cracks. "I didn't mean to hurt you." Her face scrunches up, desperately trying to stop tears from sliding down her red cheeks. I hear her catch a sob in her throat. Oh my god. This fucking angel is crying because I'm a jealous idiot. 

"Billie, I'm so sorry." I mean it. I mean it with everything I am, with every bone in my body, every cell, every atom, every whatever-the-fuck. I wrap my arms around her shaking figure. "I can't believe I did this to you, fuck." I cup her face in my hands, swiping away her tears with my thumbs. Slowly but surely, she regains a steady breathing pattern. "There you go," I praise. She smiles halfheartedly as I lean in to kiss the tip of her nose. "That's it, just keep breathing, just like that." 

She sighs, exhausted. I really take in her appearance for the first time today. She looks as if she hasn't slept in days. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, a brighter blue than I've ever seen. "It really hurts." I hate seeing her like this. I, perhaps somewhat selfishly, don't want to see her this way because it makes me feel guilty. "It hurts so bad, fuck." She scratches her arm to the point where she starts bleeding. 

"Stop it!" I shout. She winced when I raised my voice. "Sorry, darling. I just don't want you hurting yourself." I take her hands for emphasis. "Love, what's wrong? What's happening in there?" I tap her head gently. 

She chuckles softly. "It doesn't matter." I raise my eyebrows. I know she's lying. She knows that I know that she's lying to me. "Roxie?" I look up at her. "Can I kiss you?" I nod. She leans down, and her lips gently brush mine. How did I get so lucky? She pulls away from me, only about an inch. 

"I love you, Roxie Margaret."