WAKE (Wattpad edition)

48. What he missed.

{Jon}

Numb, Jon watched the fields scroll past. There had always been things he didn't talk about with his dad: Judah, Mel's depression. His own growing doubts. Every year he got older, the weight of the things kept quiet inside him felt a little heavier.

When his dad had taken a new church and moved their family across the country, Jon had added to the burden he already carried, the difficulty of his new school, and the bruises Todd Klassen had started leaving on him. When he came home from school, he no longer felt safe—he felt like the person he really was had been buried under the weight of everything he carried for his family.

Meeting Cary had been such a relief: one person he could say the shitty truth to, one person he didn't have to pretend for. For a while, having Cary for a friend had eased the burden because Cary saw him—saw that the real Jon White was tired and angry and hurting, and did what he could to share the load.

For a second, he'd had that friendship back, and now they were leaving Cary behind, and he was carrying everything alone again. All he had were Cary's words from the night before about his parents, that he needed to tell them... something. Some part of all the things he'd been carrying, if he could figure out what didn't need to be a secret anymore. He closed his eyes, his breath fogging the window and vanishing.

Pete cleared his throat. "Your mom and I want to hear from you before we make a decision to move. We wonder if...after the difficult year you've had...if you want to go back to our old home. We thought you were happy there."

Jon tried to gather himself to give a shit about the conversation his dad clearly felt they needed to have. He asked the first question he always asked himself. "What will be good for Mom?"

Pete rubbed the side of his beard, his face creased in the familiar expression of concern he wore when it came to Mel. "I think she misses living close to Grandma. But—she wants you to be well more. We both want to give you the best chance at recovery that we can."

It was hard to imagine going back to his friends in Ontario now. Impossible to imagine any one of them sticking by him while he waded through recovering from an opes addiction. "Just go where you can get a job, Dad," he said in a low voice. "I don't care. I said bye to everyone a year ago and—haven't talked to them since. We don't have to go back for me."

Pete let out his breath. "We've been looking at homes in the city," he admitted. "The girls don't want to start in new schools."

Jon shrugged. He was honestly having trouble feeling anything other than exhaustion, and a headache was starting to thud in his skull.

Pete glanced sideways at him, wincing a little. "I imagine you want a fresh start in a new school—away from Todd Klassen?"

"Yes," Jon said, soft and even. Away from both Klassen brothers.

"Your mom found a few options that she wants to talk to you about. To see what you'd like."

Jon said nothing. His hand wrapped over his mouth as he looked out the window. Starting again at a new school anywhere when he didn't know anyone was going to be hell. Maybe this time he could keep his head down like he'd learned from Cary and keep from being noticed by assholes like Todd.

His dad opened his mouth and closed it several times before he finally spoke again. "The treatment house gave us some resources—some contacts and advice about how to help you."

Time for the lecture about addiction and how he needed to make treatment his priority. Jon put his forehead against the window, wishing he could push through the glass and exit the car.