WAKE (Wattpad edition)

55. This is Jon.

Soundtrack:  'Brother' - Penny and Sparrow

{Pete}

Pete didn't know what he'd been hoping for when he'd brought Jon home—except that this wasn't it. The tension that had marked their interactions through the summer was gone—Jon did everything he asked without complaint. But the smile he was used to seeing on his son's face was also absent. He couldn't think of the last time he'd heard Jon really laugh. More than once over the weekend the fragile skin around Jon's eyes made Pete think he had been crying, out of sight. It burdened Pete that he wasn't someone Jon felt safe to cry with.

After a supper that Jon silently attended, cleaned up after and left, Pete laced up his shoes to run. For once, the rhythm of his feet didn't drown out the worried thoughts in his head. Tomorrow was the first day of the week, the first Monday in years he didn't have a job to go to, and the uncertainty of how he was going to provide for his family made his stomach twist and ache. He didn't even have a computer in their home to search for job postings: he'd dropped the laptop and his keys at the church building, clearing out his office after hours so he wouldn't run into anyone there.

His running feet carried him to the steps of the library, and he sat in front of the public computers scrolling through job sites while the sweat cooled on his back. When the PA system announced the library was closing, he dragged his eyes away from the screen—he was out of time, and it was much later than he'd thought.

When Pete, still panting from his sprint home, unlaced his shoes in the entryway, he could tell from the quiet in the house that Mel had put the children to bed on her own. He glanced into Cary's room automatically, and the bare mattress stopped his feet in their tracks. He bowed his head and prayed for Cary like he had when the boy had first come. He said a broken sorry and pleaded with God not to let his careless action undo the healing work that had been done in Cary over months in their home. The pair of texts he'd sent Cary were unanswered in his phone: he could see that Cary had read them but had chosen not to respond. Every day that went by, that silence weighed a little more on his heart.

He closed the door of his own bedroom and began to climb out of his sweaty running clothes. Mel looked up from where she was cross-legged in the middle of the bed.

"Sorry, love," Pete said. "I was at the library looking for work. I lost track of time."

She smiled at him. "Any good leads?"

He moved his shoulders, numb. "I applied to a few. I'll look again on Monday."

She sat back on her hands, watching him strip with some frank enjoyment. He couldn't lift his eyes to hers, feeling as unsexy as possible with his recent failures hanging around his neck like a noose.

"Well, I found a job," she said, and it took a second for him to grasp the meaning of those words. "An admin position at Tabby's school opened up, three-quarter time. They called me back today to ask if I could start Tuesday."

He set his hand on the bedpost to steady himself, staring at her. She shrugged shyly, still smiling. "I didn't want to say anything sooner if it was nothing. It's not much, but enough for us to get by until you find something worthwhile."

"Do you feel ready to go back to work?" Pete asked hoarsely. They had been a one-income family since Judah's death—not just because Tabitha and Bea were born in the years after, but because Mel's capacity was limited. Pete worked long hours to cover for her so she could give what energy she had to their children and their home.

"Yes," she said. "This feels like a door opening for us—a way God is giving us to get through. I think that means he'll provide for me to do it. Would you...be all right if I said yes?"