That Stupid Little L-Word:

Chapter Forty Six:

The principal looks pale, and gestures for me to take a seat beside my mother. Her anger sizzles through the air and suffocates me. I keep my gaze on the principal. I want to know how he knew enough in advance to tell my mother, and get her here in time. 

He knots his fingers together in front of him, and rests his hands on top of his desk. His gaze skirts back and forth between my mother and I. "I was informed of your condition, Alice, earlier this morning by one of our students here. They feared you were being bullied and said that you had a history of depression. I wanted to talk to you and your mother about possible solutions." 

"That's not true," I vehemently deny. "I am not depressed." At least, I haven't been depressed in a while. I actually don't think that I've really been sad, excluding this last week or so, since I moved here, and was struggling with Jake. I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. "Who told you that?" 

"I'm not sure that that's what important here," my mother quips. Her fingers drum against the armrest attached to her chair. She turns to face me. I grimace at the hurt that swims inside her eyes, almost masked by the anger. "When exactly were you going to tell me this, Alice? When you finally went into labor?"

"I assumed you'd start to notice the incredible amount of weight I was gaining first," I mutter under my breath. She shoots me a terrifying look. I steel my shoulders. "I was going to tell you soon. Just not right now. I've been dealing with things." 

She scoffs. "Well, obviously." She exhales sharply and shakes her head; I can see the steam streaming from her ears. "I don't want you seeing that boy anymore, understood?" 

I let out a sad, sardonic snort. I want to cry, but don't have the energy anymore. "Don't worry about it. He broke up with me earlier this week, when he found out." 

Her head snaps around toward me like a creepy doll's in fast forward. "What?"

I arch an eyebrow at her. "I'm a single-pringle." 

She frowns, and silence settles in the room.

The principal clears his throat. He shifts around in his seat and leans forward slightly. "I wanted to discuss possible solutions to our bully-problem. I have already alerted Alice's teachers, so they are aware of the situation and prepared to step in and help. But there are other options." 

He slides a packet of paper across the desk. "Alice, I want you to consider online school. It might be more comfortable for you to finish out this next year in the comfort of your own home. You certainly don't have to do it; it's just a suggestion. My niece went through the same thing when she was in high school, and ended up dropping out. I don't want you to feel that is your only option." 

I nod. My mother picks up the packet and skims through it. I lean back in my seat as they start to talk to each other. I ignore them and stare out the tiny window of his office. I can almost see my mother's ugly van parked out front. 

It isn't until my mother taps her fingers against my arm that I'm jerked back into reality. She stands and shakes hands with the principal, thanking him for everything. I pick up my backpack and swing it over my shoulders as I follow her out the door. "You two are all set to go!" the secretary chirps. She wiggles her fingers in a wave. "Have a good weekend!" 

I respond with something similar, and my mother leads me outside. I quickly text Amanda to let her know what's up. We climb into the van and my mother starts it up. 

Then she sits back in her seat and sighs. She glances at me. The disappointment she sports is heartbreaking. "What were you thinking, Alice?" she asks. Her voice is softer, not as angry. 

I swallow back a fresh round of tears and look out the window. "To be honest...I wasn't." I rub at my temple and almost crumble into a ball of tears. "I was so stupid, Mom." 

My mother pulls the van forward, and starts to drive home. "I'm not going to lie, Alice, it is pretty stupid," she lets out a sigh. She glances at me again and then reaches over. Her hand squeezes my arm. "But I know what it's like. I know what you're going through." 

I look at her. "But at least Dad didn't leave you by choice." 

She nods. "That's true. But it hurt just the same." 

"That's true," I sigh. My father died when I was five, in a horrible motorcycle accident. I don't remember him much. It's always been my mother and I; us against the world. 

"I'm sorry for being so snippy earlier," my mother shocks me. I stare at her, wide eyed. She smiles wiry. "I know, make sure to document this moment. It'll never happen again." I crack a thin smile and she continues, "I was just upset. I know I'm not alone when I say that I have always prayed that you wouldn't make the same mistakes that I did. I was just fifteen when I had you and, as much of a blessing as you were, it was hard to finish school." 

"At least I waited a few years longer," I flash her a sweet smile. 

She elbows me lightly. We turn into our driveway and my cellphone dings with the arrival of a new text message. It's from Amanda. I purse my lips as I read the message and tuck my phone away into my pocket. She has her suspicions as to who told the principal of my condition. 

We walk inside and, instead of making a mad dash to my room, I follow my mom into the kitchen. We sit down around the table. She grabs my hand and squeezes it. "Do you want to tell me what all happened this week?" 

I suck in a sharp breath. I nod. It will be nice to get it off my chest, to not have to burden Amanda with everything. I start from the beginning; I tell her about how I wasn't comfortable at first with doing it with Blue-Eyes, but I felt I would lose him if I didn't. I tell her about Miley, and the sudden one-eighty our relationship has turned. By the time I finish talking, my mother loves Amanda even more than she already did. 

"Well, now that I'm in on the loop, I'll go with you to the doctor's," she says. "But Amanda is most definitely welcome to come along too. We need to see exactly how far along you are and what the doctor suggests we do for the next nine months." 

I nod and wipe at the tears that stream down my cheeks. "I'll tell her. We were planning to go tomorrow." 

My mother nods and squeezes my hand again. "We'll need to start setting aside money for the baby. It might be a possibility that we'll need to sell the truck. I'm not sure yet." 

"Okay," I nod. I hate the idea of it. I love my truck. But I know that if it came down to that, then we'd desperately need the money. I was already putting a heavy burden on my mother's shoulder. Another mouth to feed was bad enough. 

She leans forward and wraps her arms around me. I bury my face into her shoulder and inhale her perfume. The familiar scent, mixed with her strong embrace, comforts me a lot. She squeezes tight and kisses my head. "Just so you know, you're still grounded."  

I snort. "Can Amanda at least come over?" 

"Honey, Amanda can live here if she wants." 

I laugh a watery laugh, and my mother joins me this time. We squeeze each other tightly for a few moments longer and then separate. She wipes at her eyes. "I'm going to start dinner." 

I nod and lean back in my seat. 

I have an amazing mother.