To Be A Champion

Chapter 6: Talk to Me

It's still raining by the time we get back to shelter. It continues to rain as the hours tick by and Tom and Nicole piddle with the zom attractant device, as Janine and Jody busy themselves discussing with some of the higher ups in town what Jones' plan could be and what he may do next, as Sam and Paula remain warm and discuss what little they heard from Maxine today.

I'm here alone, sitting outside on a porch which thankfully is sheltered from the rain. I'm cold and numb, and yet I can't bring myself to go inside. Instead, I take another sip of my flask, hoping that'll be enough to warm me up.

It's a little early to be doing this, evening having not yet become night, but I can't think to do anything else. At this moment I'm of no use to anyone, so it's best for me to just sit and watch the rain–something that should be calming. Should, but isn't. The rain is at most drowning out the noise, keeping my worrying thoughts from becoming too overwhelming.

I'm still shaking after hearing about Milo and Phineas. And Peter. My mouth becomes dry, and my throat constricts. My lungs fill with smoke and tar, making it hard to breathe. The more I think about it, the more painful it becomes. How did all this happen so fast? I've only been gone a few days!

I hated the idea of leaving Abel. It's my home, and while there are a lot of flaws that come with the township, it's still a part of me. I knew I wouldn't enjoy this, but then again, no one is. No one is happy about this, so what makes me special? Why am I any different in wishing to be home, wishing I had stayed home?

Of course, I don't mean that when I wish it. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had stayed in Abel while Janine was dying, or while Sam and everyone else came and put their life in danger for her. It wouldn't be right. But I still had to leave my kids, my best friend, and then find out they've been or nearly were hurt while I've been gone...

It's agonizing, and all I can do is sit here and wait and hope everything turns out okay.

I start at the sound of a door clicking open, but I don't stand from my chair. Tom's eyes are tired, but he doesn't look surprised to see me out here. I wait to see if he'll speak first, or if he just came out here for some peace that I don't need to ruin.

But when he tilts his head to the side at me, I realize he didn't come out here for the quiet or an escape from the people inside. He came out here because it's the closest we have to our little spot in Abel.

Familiarity.

"Done tinkering?" I ask, and his shoulders shake as he lets out a soft chuckle.

"For now."

I don't ask if he found anything useful. If he has, it's not enough to go off of just yet. Otherwise he'd be in there telling Janine and Jody. Instead he's out here with me, tired and coming to something that's close to familiar as a way to comfort himself, even if it's just to smoke and hear me talk.

I pat the seat of the chair beside me. "We both know we're going to be out here for a while."

"Been out like this enough times to know, aye?" He asks as he sits, pulls out a box of cigarettes and lights one up. A terrible habit that got worse the longer he sat out with Peter, but I don't give him shit for it. I give Peter a hard time for it because he just doesn't care about himself.

Knowing that sends a painful burning feeling deep into my chest.

"Yeah, although it's weird not having the full gang here."

He doesn't answer, instead taking a slow drag of his cigarette, but I know he agrees. Even when I don't come out or Tom takes a night to actually get some sleep, Peter is always out there. When there's two of us instead of three, he's always one of those two. Never late, never absent, always there to sit and talk and pretend he can block out the screaming thoughts in his own head, even just for a little bit.