The Rapture

TWENTY-ONE

PEARL

After crying myself to sleep, I woke up with serious hunger pains. Didn't sleep well, either. A sense of dread mixed with guilt poisoned my chest, causing nightmares. Why did I just send Dumuzi away?

It was obvious he wasn't okay. Neither was I, but...

I rummaged through the fridge, unsure of what to cook, pressing my lips together. My empty stomach gnawed at me as I glared at all the fruits and vegetables that were unfamiliar. Shoot.

I wished there was a way to reach out to François. I would have accepted her offer to cook for me. Given that I could burn cereal, I wouldn't attempt something as unknown as a cuisine with alien elements.

I sat in the center of the kitchen floor, legs crisscrossed, snacking on various ingredients. Some of it tasted good, some of it tasted bitter. But not as bitter at the guilt muddying my mood.

I sent him away. I knew the reason, and it was pretty pathetic that I was still hung up on it.

You are afraid to let anyone in.

I let out a slow breath through my nose, my eyes prickling. I refused to let him see me cry over the girl in the memory safe. As soon as I let somebody in, it was followed by rejection. Not just in my romantic life, either.

Sour memories resurfaced, memories of my time in foster care, where a particular family I went to stay with had counted down the days until I was placed in another home.

They threw me agoing away party, which was sickeningly twisted into a thank fuck this kid is no longer our responsibility party. All because I was too curious, hyper, and loud as a ten-year-old; so much harder to deal with than their own children.

I had cried getting in the social worker's car, my belly full of candy and cake from the party, and confused at my foster father cheering in the front seat as we drove away.

So even if people took on the responsibility of having me in their lives, they would still... regret it.

Regret it a lot.

Dumuzi would regret being tied to me for eternity.

There was a quick knock on the door and I flinched. I stood up, wiped away tears, and sighed, wondering who it could be because I wanted to be left alone. Groaning, I opened the door and took a few steps back as an Enuki let himself in.

It wasn't Dumuzi.

"Pearl."

Shadrach. He shut the door behind him, his eyes frantic and wide. It was unsettling to see an Enuki so... emotive. He was dressed in all black. The cloak he wore dusted the floor like a long trench coat. He scanned the living room, eyes narrowing. They came to a stop at me.

I glared at him. I wasn't fond of people just letting themselves into my living space, especially when I was having an emotional breakdown. My eyes were still raw and burning from crying, only adding to my embarrassment and the need to be left alone.

"The fuck do you want?!" I snapped.

He didn't respond, shocked at my shout.

Understandable. I cleared my throat, shaking myself free of the emotions that threatened to swallow me whole from my reverie. I took a deep breath. I couldn't stay furious forever.

Exhaustion made it impossible. I yawned and sat down on the couch, stroking the side of my head. Why was he here? "I don't know if you got the memo, but I don't like any of you that aren't Dumuzi, and I hate it when people bother me when I'm trying to have a moment to myself. Sorry."