The Fairy King and his Cursed Queen ✔

8 | HMM, GLADLY

There were key things to remember when dealing with goblins. And as the cage at its back, a structure of wood and twigs, held together with nothing but incantations, slid open, I reflected on that now.

Goblins were small, arguably the smallest of most creatures of magic. They were half the size of fairies and even the brownies, who did not have wings. As such, goblin babies were rather adorable, the adults, were not. Therefore, it was best to never refer to them in either a positive or a negative way in polite discourse.

Another issue was their appearance. Most goblins were purple, round, and had incredibly sharp teeth, a fact the princess discovered as this goblin now reached into the cage to pluck the last goblin baby which had attached itself to her shoulder and fed.

The princess sat with her back against the wood of the cage, staring at her feet, refusing to move or acknowledge anyone.

And that was probably for the third and final thing to understand about goblins—they were nosy.

Very. Very nosy.

"So you're losing your powers, huh? What'll happen, you reckon? Why you figure it happened? Huh? Magic, curse? Laziness? If a troll loses power, bits of him fall off. Reckon'll happen to you, too, miss? Bet you feel right stupid having fallen into a trap like this? I heard his voice saying not to go? You two fight? Reckon he figure you're right dumb now? Might he leave you here and never look back?

The goblin went so far as to prop an elbow against the cage, the other on a knee while peering in at the mortified princess who refused to acknowledge the barrage of questions.

"But you fell right into it. Even animals hesitate. You never did. Not even once. Figure that's got something to do with your weird clothes? What you hiding anyhow? Never seen a fairy with clothes. You missing a nipple or something? Oh. Oh. Bet you one's deformed. If you take off the clothing, will it fall right off? Reckon if it does, it'd fetch a good price with the elves. Go on then, let's see if it happens."

A part of me reveled in the admonishment somewhat—I had warned her.

But a bigger part was uncomfortable. Depending on how the princess responded, this could take forever.

"If it's all the same, omp, I'll have her back."

Two bright green eyes turned on me. A flick of the bottom tusks came with a sneer. "Reckon you could. But I got seventeen children to feed. Only ten got a good suck off her. Reckon I could trade for the remainder—"

"Reckon you couldn't," I was sure to interrupt. This one-tracked mindedness was nothing to toy with. "I'll of course pay you for her."

With this, the goblin perked up.

"A secret," I said, more than willing to trick whomever necessary. "I give you a secret and you let her go. How's that?"

Two thin lips pressed together then slid away to reveal the dripping tusks yet again. "Reckon that'll do as a right good payment—"

"Indeed."

"But not this time." The goblin, still resting against the cage, leaned forward and whispered, "A nipple's missing. I'm sure of it. Reckon I can take the other if they so easy to fall off."

My lips parted. All that could come from my mouth was, "I'm sure that's not the case—"

"Course it is. Things only hide when something's there to hide. Take humans, got ugly feet, so they wear shoes. Got mealy knees, wear slacks. Got ugly ears, wear hats."

I couldn't argue with that logic.

"But—"

The goblin wasn't done, "Ugly penis, wear underwear."