As Long As I Live

The Need to Talk

Here's part two of the chapter!

Hope you guys like it!

Enjoy!!

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"If words could express how sorry I am, I'd spend my entire life apologising to you for every single thing I did, darling. If I knew there was any way to make you believe how sorry I am, I would do it in the blink of an eye. If there was anything I could do to make you feel better, to take away all pain from you on to myself, I would do so without hesitation! Sweetheart, my heart breaks every time a tear is shed from your eyes but I know that I'm the reason why there are tears in your eyes in the first place. I'll never be able to forgive myself, darling, never ever!"

He continued to rub his hand gently up and down her spine as he kept her face pressed to his chest, and she kept crying into it.

Had it hurt badly when he had lashed her, he had asked. The answer was yes. It still was a yes. It had hurt physically then and it still hurt now, whenever she thought of that night, it shattered her heart to pieces.

Was he really sorry that he had done all that to her? Did he really want to give their relationship a serious try? Make it a true marriage - one filled with love and respect?

Or was this all a new ploy, a new technique albeit a refined one, to torture her later?

She tried to rein in her sobs but she failed miserably. Two years worth of pain were entrapped in her heart, waves and waves of sorrow crashed against the walls of her resolve, and that damn was only waiting to be broken.

So she cried because she didn't know what else to do. But her pain and anguish were tearing Aamir apart, ripping him torturously into piece after piece. He kept promising to her and to himself never to hurt her again but the shadow of their past was so intense and darkened their present so much, he had no idea of how to plan for the future.

For all his dreams and desires seemed meaningless when he saw his beloved in pain. Because of him. There was no point in dreaming of honeymoons and babies when his woman was still living in the horror of their past.

The doctor was right, his father was right. Damn it, his newly awakened conscience was right! A monster, that's who he was.

That was what he had been, he wasn't a bad guy anymore. He didn't want to hurt her or cause her any pain. He wanted a normal life with her and he was willing to change himself as much as was required to keep her happy. He needed her to understand that, he needed her to see it for herself that she could at least talk to him, vent out her sorrows and not be afraid of him blowing up. Crying wasn't always going to be a way to let loose her emotions, she needed to talk. He had to make her speak up!

His conscience screamed at him for being a filthy hypocrite. He was the one who made sure that she was rendered incapable of dialogue by punishing her repeatedly when she tried to talk to him, for two whole years. He made sure that she would never have the guts to even look him in the eye, let alone have a full conversation. How on earth could he now expect her to suddenly revert to her joyous self, prepared for a full rational confrontation?

He kissed the top of her head and thought that he had no right. He had no business whatsoever to force her to open up to him, to discuss things with him when she was clearly uncomfortable with even having him around her. Obviously, she didn't want to talk to him, her parents or anyone in her family apart from his father, but even then, Aamir had noticed, she always refrained from telling him exactly how hurt she was because she knew Farhan Hassan would be torn between murderous rage and sheer dejection at having raised an abusive son.

Then who? How?

He was lucky he had found a counsellor as amazing as Gaurav to help him control his anger. He needed someone just as amazing to help Mayra break her walls.