As Long As I Live

Epilogue

Time to bid Mayra and Aamir goodbye!

Hope you enjoy this last chapter.

Happy Reading.

******

Dear Diary,

I have never done this before. I do not know and I do not understand how people manage to pen their feelings and emotions down. It has taken me literally a walk to death and back to be able to come to terms with my feelings at all and so, being able to write about them is quite satisfying because I now know how far I've come.

Honestly, I have no idea why I'm doing this at all. May be because all that has been known about me is how horrible I've been and I want to document now that I can be a good person. May be because all this book has ever contained is painful accounts of someone undergoing torture and now I want to end that ache. But may be the real reason is that I want to bring closure to this story of Mayra's suffering. The last page of this book was the torn death wish of my wife, written in her own blood no less, and now I want to end this diary once and for all with the beautiful reality that our life has now become.

Its time to narrate what our future has become.

This story started with the utter decimation and collapse of my marriage. It was a point where my anger had destroyed Mayra's life in every single way that a soul can be destroyed. Even after my return from paralysis and the wake-up call of Mayra's innocence that had hit me so hard in the face, it eventually was Mayra's accident that changed me to the bone.

Those are some of my worst memories. That day, returning from work and finding the main door of the house open and unmanned was alarming and then knowing from my sister that Zaheer's assistant had met Mayra - that struck absolute panic in my chest. I ran out the house, raced after her. I knew she couldn't have gone to her parents but then I had no idea where she could have gone. I ran as fast as my legs could take me but even then I couldn't reach her in time.

She stood there frozen on the ground as a truck approached her in full speed. She wouldn't move. I wanted to scream, but my voice was stuck in my throat in pure terror. I did the only thing I was capable of doing, I ran towards her. I bumped past cars and drivers shouting obscenities at me but my eyes were locked on to that beautiful, idiotic woman who was about to get herself killed. Five feet away from her, a bike ran into me and I fell to the ground, clutching my side in pain.

There I was, lying down in the middle of the street, with the bike rider hovering above me, my eyes glued to the scene where the truck was fast approaching and Mayra was making no effort to get out of the way. I tried to scramble to my feet, I fell yet again, the whole scene playing out in front of me in slow, agonizing seconds.

I saw her turn slightly towards the truck, a little sense of relief came over me thinking that she'd probably move when she saw the truck but I couldn't see her face and she wouldn't move. She just would not move!

Move!

Move!

For God's sake, move!

And then it happened. The truck hit her full on. She was right in the middle of it. And there I was on the road, unable to get up, unable to move.

I watched, helplessly as she flew in the air, sideways as the truck didnt stop. I watched in horror as she landed on the pavement head first. I watched her body grow still instantaneously.

I watched it all.

Something kicked within me at that moment. I finally managed to stand up and run to her. She was lying there on her back, leg twisted, eyes half closed and a pool of blood around her head. A gaping wound on her head, still bleeding.