As Long As I Live

Her Pain

Three hours had passed. And still no news. She was neither alive nor dead, hanging in between the two. And there was nothing he could do, except pray that she not be punished for his sins, she be given her life, so they could build a happy married life together, start anew, leave the the hurting past behind them in their new journey.

Soon after dawn, the doctors had informed them that Mayra was being shifted to the ICU. There they would wait and watch. Hope that her condition would improve to allow them to progress with the treatment. They still wouldn't allow Aamir or anybody else to go in and see her. It was pointless, they had said as she was in a deep coma, oblivious to her surroundings, and they couldn't risk causing her infection by sending visitors inside. Aamir had nearly begged for her to be shifted to the bed that was directly in front of the huge glass window. The glass was sealed, but he would be able to see her, clearly. After an hour or so, the curtains had been rolled back and he got the first glimpse of his wife's battered body. Tears flowed down his face as he took in the tubes that were inserted into her hands and legs, she was breathing through a mask and her head was wrapped in a turban of white bandage. The doctors had said that she was alive, but was making no progress.

Aamir alternated between moments of hope, where his heart urged him to pray, and pray hard, for her to miraculously survive this, and moments where he had numbly accepted that his future was going to be dark and shadowed, a future without Mayra. His future, his life had never looked so dark, so pointless.

He gazed at her still form lovingly. He thought of the words he wanted to say, but knew that even if he shouted them she wouldn't hear. She couldn't. She was in a deep coma, removed from the world around her, removed from him.

He paused mid-thought. No. He couldn't believe that. Mayra hadn't believed it when he was paralysed, and her belief had brought him back. Now, he wouldn't believe it. He wouldn't give up. How could it be that fate would hand Mayra a chance to bring her love back to health, and not give him the chance he desperately needed to fight for his own love. He would fight. He would bring Mayra back.

Wiping away the remnants of his grief from his face, he walked to the doctor's room. A sliver of hope hammered in his chest, while his rational mind screamed stupid. But for the first time in his entire life, he would listen to his heart, he would do as his love dictated, rational or not.

He walked into the doctor's room and without preamble uttered, "I want to see my wife."

The doctor looked up, startled. "But Mr Hassan, you can see her, through the glass..."

"No. I want to meet her in person, let me inside the ICU."

The doctor sighed. "I can't. It's the hospital rule. You'll risk causing her, or the other patients infection."

"I'll scrub before I go in. I'll wear the gown and gloves. But I will go in. I need to see her."

"Mr Hassan, I understand your sentiments. But there is absolutely no need for this. She is in coma, she can't see or hear anything!"

"I don't believe that." Aamir glared at the doctor stubbornly. Sighing, the doctor got up and led Aamir to the doors of the ICU. He instructed a nurse to help Aamir scrub and wear the appropriate attire.

Half an hour later, Aamir was duly scrubbed and dressed in the blue sterilised disposable hospital gown, with a mask covering his face, cap covering his head and gloves over his hands. He walked through the ICU as he watched the numerous patients behind half-shut curtains. Some conscious, others who appeared to be sleeping. Some looked content, others were in the deepest of pains, groaning and thrashing about in bed. He passed by a bed in which a young man lay surrounded by doctors and nurses who were trying to resuscitate him. The flat line on his monitor was proof that the man was gone. The nurse escorting him informed Aamir that he too was brought in because of an accident, massive internal bleeding. Three days the man had struggled and today he had given up. He watched as the doctors declared him dead, and withdrew from him, a man now nothing more than a lifeless body.