His to Guard [PREVIEW]

CHAPTER 9

SAWYER

"Kiss me, Sawyer."

I look at Kendra for a moment, wanting nothing more than to kiss her but also not being able to ignore the fact that she's drunk. I don't want to take advantage of her in any way. I don't even want to think about what might've happened in that room with Jace. The mere thought of him putting his hands on her without her wanting him to do it is enough to make my blood boil.

I reach out and put of strand of hair behind her ear. "Kendra, you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk enough to not know what I'm doing," she says. "I want you to kiss me."

My eyes move down to her full lips and I can feel my own tingle with desire to have them pressed against mine. I clench my jaw then I stand up as I let out a frustrated breath.

"I can't," I say, feeling a little defeated.

Kendra narrows her eyes at me as she stands up. "Fine then get out of my room."

"Kendra—"

"Get out." She interrupts and I watch as her eyes fill up with tears. "You're just like them. You pretend to care but you really don't."

I frown and I stand in front of her and look into her eyes. "This is me caring," I say.

"Do you think I'm dirty?" She asks and I see the hurt in her eyes. "Because I was with Jace?"

"Of course not," I say, even though the thought that she was with Jace earlier tonight isn't pleasant at all. "He didn't...force you to do anything, right?" I ask her.

"No," she says quietly. "But..."

"But what?" I ask when she stops.

"I regretted it," she says as she looks at me. "I regret it every time. He doesn't...he doesn't satisfy me."

I clench my jaw. "He uses you," I say in a low voice.

As if I needed any more reasons to hate Jace. I had an idea because tonight isn't the first time he locks himself in a room with her while she's drunk. He's done it a lot of times and all this time I've been wanting to believe that Kendra enjoys his company, that she wants to be with him as much as he wants to be with her. Deep down, I knew I was wrong. Not only does he steal from her, but he also uses her for his own pleasure too. He's an even bigger piece of shit than I thought he was. I honestly don't understand why she keeps him around.

Kendra looks at me and she almost looks confused. "Are you angry in my honor?"

I shake my head at her. "Kendra, I wish you understood how wrong it is to allow him to do what he does to you."

She bites her lower lip. "I don't want to talk about Jace," she says and her eyes seem a little hazy as she looks at me. "The other night with you...it was the first time in so long that I've felt good. You made me feel like a woman, Sawyer," she says quietly, almost as if it was a secret. "I want to feel like that again."

I know that if she wasn't drunk, she probably wouldn't be saying this to me. Her words only make my internal struggle even bigger. I wish she wasn't drunk so that I could have her again. There's nothing I want more than to kiss her and be with her—show her the type of affection that she deserves—but I know I can't do that right now. Not in the state she's in.

She takes a step closer and when she begins to reach up, I place my hands on her arms and I pull her back gently.

"Kendra," I say and I hear the regret in my voice.

"Are you really going to reject me?" She asks in disbelief.

I understand why she's in disbelief. She's Kendra Sullivan. I'm sure she's used to everyone giving in to her and not just men, but women too. Everyone aims to please her and not necessarily because they like her, but because of who she is. The whole world has seen what she's capable of doing to people that get on her bad side. Hell, she didn't hesitate to do all the things she's done to her sister-in-law whom I know didn't deserve any of the things Kendra has done to her.

It doesn't make sense for me to feel this way about her. I've seen how cruel she can be, but it's only because I've seen this side of Kendra—the broken one. She's only a shell of who she wants people to believe she is.

If she wasn't in the state she's in, I would kiss her. I would do much more than that.

"What do you want me to do? You want me to take advantage of the state you're in?" I ask her. "If I kiss you, if I have you tonight—I won't be much different than Jace," I say angrily.

She shakes her head. "I know what I'm doing and I know what I want," she says. "I want you to kiss me."

I look into her blue eyes, feeling even more conflicted. I want to kiss her more than anything but the thing is that I know better. Kendra is drunk and I know we won't stop at just a kiss. She'll wake up tomorrow and regret it or even worse—not remember any of this.

I'm not Jace. I don't take advantage of women when they're drunk.

I place my hands on Kendra's arms and she looks at me as I lean in closer. I clench my jaw as I press my lips against her forehead and when I pull away, she's glaring at me.

"Get out," she says and a tear rolls down her cheek.

"No," I say as I look at her.

"Get out," she says again and I see the hurt in her eyes. "I want you to leave."

"I don't think you really want that."

"Stop pretending you know me," she says angrily. "You're just like everyone else." She places her hands on my chest and she begins to push me back. "Go, leave."

"Kendra," I say.

When she doesn't stop trying to push me, I clasp my hands around her wrists and then I pull her arms behind her back gently being careful not to hurt her. I keep them firm against her lower back as I wrap my arm around her and push her against my chest.

"Let me hold you," I say into her ear. "Just for a second and then I'll leave."

She shakes her head as she cries but she stops fighting me and I let her hands go slowly. I wrap both of my arms tightly around her and I hold her for a moment.

I knew Kendra kept a lot of feelings to herself but I didn't realize how miserable she is until now. It's almost as if she has reached a point where she can't hide it anymore and it's heartbreaking to watch her in this state.

She's Kendra Sullivan—the famous supermodel. She has the whole world at her fingertips, she shouldn't be this unhappy. She should be enjoying her life to the fullest, doing what makes her happy. Instead, she's chaining herself to so many things that she doesn't need. Things and people that only make her unhappy, that only drag her down.

It doesn't make sense. I don't know why she does this to herself.

I know it's not my job to fix her but after the moment we shared together, it's impossible not to feel for her. I care about Kendra and I know it's wrong to care about her as more than her bodyguard but I do. I think I have since before we shared our first kiss.

It's a little scary to find myself in this position again. In a way, it's the same as my last assignment but also completely different. I never shared moments like these with Savannah. Then again, Kendra is nothing like her. I push those thoughts out of my head, knowing that it's not okay to compare them. I'm in a completely different situation than what I was last time.

I pull away after a moment and I reach out to pull the comforter off the bed. I reach for her hand and then I sit her down. She watches me as I kneel in front of her to take off her heels. She lies down on her side after I take them off and when I try to turn around to walk out, she reaches for my hand.

My shoulders tense a little but I stop and turn to look at her. She doesn't say anything but one look into her eyes is enough for me to know what she wants.

She moves over and I lie down on the bed facing her. I place my hand on her waist as she moves as close against my chest as she can. I move my hand up and down the curve of her waist soothingly, wanting to make her feel better.

I know she'll probably regret doing this tomorrow but right now, I just want to be here for her. It seems like it's what she wants, at least for now.