Nineteen

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Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. I follow Ren through the halls as I try to get to my room as fast as I can. Tears burn in my eyes, and there's blood on my gloves, still glistening in the artificial light of the First Order ship's hallway. Only ten doors away. Six. Four. I move past Kylo Ren as he stops at his room, but he grabs my arm to stop me. Wordlessly, he pulls me into his room. Once the door slides shut, I fall to my knees, deactivating my mask.

The tears come, pushing down my cheeks and choking me. I tear the gloves off, throwing them across the room.

"I hate you!" I cry, glaring up at him. He's removing his overclothes slowly, jaw clenched. I try to breathe, but I can't. "Monster!"

"I'm not the one who pushed the blade through her chest, Hunter." He says tensely. I cough, furiously wiping the tears away as I stand. I make my way to him, and he stares down at me, face void of any emotion. I push my finger into his chest roughly, sobs still ripping like hiccups from my throat.

"I wish it were you I had killed." I grit.

"Then you were the wrong person to bring here." He says with a small smile as he pulls the last layer off, baring his teeth at the effort. He sits down hard on the bed, balling his clothes up and throwing them to the floor. "I need help." His voice wavers. I suck in a choppy breath at the blood glistening in a thick stripe from his stomach to the middle of his back. He tries to stand, but can't. He looks up, eyes soft. "Please."

"No," I shake my head. "Why would I help you?" I reactivate my mask, stepping backwards to the door. "You can die and rot in here for all I care!" I snap. His gentle gaze twists into something unfamiliar, then hardens. He opens his mouth to say something, but the door closes before he can.

"I'm sorry." He says in my mind. I ignore him. I probably imagined it. Kylo Ren doesn't apologize.

He should know how to take care of himself. He's a grown man, ruler of an entire regime. Yet he called me to help him. He should have known I'd much rather be the one to inflict the injury than to help heal it.

I return to my room quickly, but I'm too angry to mourn to girl I killed. I open my mask, trying to tear the metal from behind my ears away. Instead, an electric shock pierces through my body, originating from where my fingers touch the device.

I curse Ren in my mind, praying that he's in his dying moments, and that it's the last thing he'll ever hear. He's silent in my mind. I reach into my cloak, wrapping my trembling fingers around the commlink I stole from the girl I killed. I activate it, hoping that he's still on the channel.

"Imrie?" I wait hesitantly for a response. Then the device crackles, and I hear him.

"Who is this?" Tears rise to my eyes. He's not dead, he's alive. I didn't kill him, he's alive.

"It's me." I whisper. "It's Hunter." There's a long moment of silence, then the line buzzes again.

"Hunter?" His voice is quiet. "How do I know it's you?"

"You can't do melee for the life of you." I say. "I used to kick your butt."

"I've gotten better in the years you've been gone." He says. I breathe a sigh of relief. "How are you alive? How do you have this link? It's a secure channel."

"I survived the torture. I'm just a prisoner now." I say. Not exactly a lie, but if I tell him what I did, he might hate me.

"How do you have this link?"

"The Zilla." I say, wincing at the name. The Shadow. "He's on our side."

"He killed Vi and shot me." He snaps. "He's not on our side."

"He didn't have a choice." I say, voice wavering. Knowing her name makes her seem more like a person. "It was you or her."

"Everyone has a choice."

"Not everyone." I bite my lip. "Look, Kylo Ren has me in a room. He has some sort of interest with me. If he finds out about this, I'm not sure what he'll do."

"Kylo Ren?" He hesitates. "I saw him today."

"You were on Batuu?" I feign surprise. " He didn't tell me that."

"And you have a conversational relationship with him?" He scoffs. "Hunter, a lot has changed in the past few years. How do I know you haven't flipped?"

"I-" After a moment, I grit my teeth. "You don't know that." There's a thick moment of silence, and I can feel his hesitation from lightyears away. "But you should know that the only reason I'm not dead is because I've been trying to get back to you, and I have done everything I can to do so." There's a long moment of hesitation, and then the line cuts out. "Imrie?"

Everything I can to get back to you. I let out a long sigh, closing my eyes. I see the realization in her face, Vi's face, as she understood the choice I had to make. Having to shoot Imrie was terrifying, but worth it in the end. I wasn't forced to murder my best friend. I guess I can appreciate Ren for that, at least. I feel amusement, his amusement as I let my thoughts wander. Immediately, I banish Imrie from my mind, coughing.

You're taking a long time to die, Ren.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer, sweetheart." He says. "I'm a grown man, ruler of an entire regime. I can take care of myself." He mocks, echoing what I had furiously thought earlier.

I should have stayed to kill you myself. I think.

"I would love to see you try, darling."

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