glow•° || skz || nonbinary Felix ff

mirror•°

I stared at my reflection.

Boy boy boy boy boy

was ringing in my head.

It felt so wrong.

Why why why

Why do I have to feel like that?

Why couldn't I be normal?

I took a deep breath, without breaking eye contact with myself.

non-binary.

Another breath.

My grip on the sink tightened, my knuckles were white.

My eyes were huge, wide open and slightly red from all the crying. I looked haunted.

I don't have the strength to be like this.

I was afraid. I've never been this fearful of anything.

What if I break?

What if I loose everything?

I wouldn't survive that.

I pressed my eyes closed.

But would you survive being untrue to yourself?

Not giving yourself the chance to become happier than ever?

Inhale. Exhale.

No problem.

I opened my eyes.

'Stop lying', I told my reflection. 'Stop running.

Stand up and fight like a man.'

I cringed and had to laugh at myself a little. The irony.

Eyes pressed closed again.

You are ... not a man. Not a boy. Not ... male.

That's not you.

I reopened my eyes, locking gazes with myself.

I tried to see my actual self. Not the idol, the dancer, the boy everyone else saw in me.

Slowly stripping all that away, all the expectations, all the facades, all the lies.

Until all that was left was... me.

My face was pretty. It didn't actually look male, not at all.

My hair was dishevelled, but so blonde, my freckles scattered everywhere, lips full, eyes - eyes sparkling, for once after all this time.

A warm, giddy feeling spread out in my chest.

Fuck them, fuck male, I'm not a boy.

'Not a boy', I whispered.

Not a girl either.

non-binary.

Neither. A bit of both. A bit of something else entirely.

I smiled.

'I am Lee Felix of Stray kids'

I took a deep breath.

'And I'm nonbinary.'

.

.

.