All The Small Things

42

Btw I mention butterfly stitches, I'll put in a pic of what that is at the end, and it's nothing gory. Don't worry.

Luca POV

Dady dropped me off at Jacob's house, kissing me good bye before leaving.
"Bye bye Dady.." I mumbled while he drove away. I sniffled and let Jacob close the front door. He scratched my head, making me look up at him.
"You wanna go to the park?" He asked.
"Plees!" I exclaimed, making Jacob smile.
"Lemme get my shoes on then." He said, grabbing his tennis shoes and putting them on.

We spent most of the day at the park, playing on the swings and slide and climbing bars. We were there until about 5 and he brought me home then made dinner. I ate until I wasn't hungry and played eventually Dady showed up. Until he showed up, the day wasn't eventful. But it sure as hell was once I got home.
"Dady..?" I quietly asked as he worked on the neighbor girls car.
"What?" He asked, not looking at me. I didn't ask right away because he sounded mad at me.. That didn't put him in any better of a mood though.
"Oh my God. If you weren't gonna ask me a real question, then why did you need my attention?!" He asked, finally moving his head away from the cars engine. That just made me shut down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sat my head on my legs.

I was sitting by the car because I didn't know anything about mechanics and because even if I did, I was little and wouldn't have been helpful. Dady groaned and threw something down in my general direction, making me quickly pull my head away from my legs and scoot away from what he threw down. My lip quivered and tears filled my eyes.
"Why can't you just be independent for once? The one fucking time I need to be by myself, you have to be little!" He yelled at me. Tears ran down my face and I stood up fast, backing up from Dady even more.

"If you're gonna be little, could you at least not be in my damn way?" He asked, getting no answer from me. I didn't know how to respond and I was feeling too much anxiety to think straight. He sighed and went back to the car while I just stood there. He wouldn't notice if I dissapeared. He probably wouldn't even notice if I died.. My thoughts were just making me feel worse and I don't wanna be around him right now, he's mad and I'm not helping. I quietly walked to the apartment and opened the door, grabbing my phone and opening a social media. I just wanna get my mind off things.

Little did I know, it would redirect my thinking to something just as bad. I scrolled through the videos and saw one of a few low quality drawings. They weren't meant to be good, that's the point, so I scrolled through the little slide show type thing it was displayed as. Then I got to the last picture, and it was just gore.

[Detailed SH warning]

It was a drawing of a girl cutting herself.. The cuts were deep and the picture was graphic. It pulled me out of my little space and it made me feel the farmiliar urge I used to always get. The urge to hurt myself too. I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes, more just taking their place almost immediately. It's tempting and I don't think Kayden would notice.. and if he did I don't think he would care, at least not right now. I stood up and grabbed one of his hoodies, walking from the bedroom to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and feeling my heart race increase. I just don't want him to walk in on me. I glanced over at the bathtub and saw a razor just sitting there, as if I was supposed to find it. I stood there for a second and debated taking it apart, eventually deciding I wanted to self harm.

I grabbed it and seperated the handle from the razor head. It was a cheaper razor so I'd taken them apart before, and the easiest way was to snap the razor head in half, since it broke the plastic and not the blade. I did just that and tore the plastic from the metal, tossing the plastic in the trash can. I held the razor over my forearm, taking a breath and looking up before slashing the blade down across my skin. I sat there and breathed for a second before looking down. I felt a huge rush of adrenaline run through me as I saw I hit fat.