so this is love

2.14.21

                                                                           a valentine to remember

i dared not ruin it.

but i could not help

beholding

and admiring

and wondering.

my mind never settles.

i kept telling myself:

kiss him.

right now...

no one will see.

just give him

a small reminder,

so he knows for certain that

i am still very much captivated.

that i am still in need of his touch.

it took everything in me

not to do as i so pleased.

although i wish more

would have found its way

through my mind and out of my mouth,

i must say:

today is what i waited for.

all these days later.

for months, and weeks, and hours,

i waited for this.

a whole day with you.

not just an hour or two.

but a whole day.

i dared not stare.

but how can i say 

i am in love

with all i see

if my eyes do not?

i could have studied

your hands, eyes, cheeks...

but i had to hold myself back.

i don't know.

i could just look and look

until i felt ashamed to even have eyes.

who blessed me with sight

when i have a mind as such?

i just

i wanted to lean in

and feel secure again.

i yearned to feel small.

i wanted to feel the time cease

and feel us fall into place.

i ached for an embrace.

you know,

i will give my all

just to be beside you.

but this time,

my fingers will find yours.

they will lace,

and we will be inseparable

as we navigate life.

the feeling will be constant.

the feeling i feel for you,

with you,

and because of you...

the feeling of feeling a feeling.

i cannot explain it.

but i will say:

it is exhilarating.

again!

i have to stop.

===

at the end,

of this lovely day,

you briefly kissed me goodbye.

only it wasn't.

that kiss was hello.

you then left,

and i wanted to cry and beg you

not to leave me again.

i wrongly said goodbye.

this isn't goodbye.

we won't let it be.

i have to go

but i will be seeing you.

may we kiss hello

like we kiss goodbye.