Deliverance | Draco Malfoy

Twenty-Four

tw: This chapter contains mentions of panic attacks and trauma. Read with caution.

"Theo, I don't want to do it anymore." I whimpered, my eyes squeezed shut as my tears escaped. "It hurts so bad." I sobbed.

"Shhh, I know. Believe me." His hand softly laid itself on top of my own and I flinched, my eyes popping open to look at him in fear. I couldn't move anywhere, however, no matter how much I wanted to subconsciously.

We had restrained my hands long ago so I'd have to give in to these painful trials against my will, and my mind was only flooding with haunting memories the pain brought.

"Hey, it's okay, Rain. You're okay." He said softly, squatting in front of me and looking up into my swollen eyes. "Even when you cry, you're as beautiful as ever, love bug." He gave me a wink that he hoped would lighten the mood, but I only sniffled and tried to breathe.

"You're all- I can do it, but you're all stronger than m-me." I cried, feeling fresh tears leak from my eyes and flow down my cheeks before Theo caught them with his thumbs. "I can't keep you out. I won't b-be able to keep Graham out. Or my father. Or the Dark Lord or-" A louder sob cut my voice off in my throat and Theo hushed me again.

"I know. But you know how you get stronger, Rain?" He cupped both my cheeks and the affection felt so good. A healthy reminder that he was the softer boy that always had jokes and a smile to share. "Focus, and determination, and pushing through the pain until it gets easier." He always looked so innocent when he spoke. There's something so pure about Theodore Nott. "You know that. You're a strong girl, Rain. So strong that they will underestimate you. But I believe in you, okay? You just have to trust me."

"I'm trying, Teddy-" A name I don't think I had said in far too long to have used it now. He all but melted into a puddle when I called him that. How did we get here?

We used to be two healthy kids sitting on river banks and hopping through puddles when I didn't mind the storms that brought them. He used to spin me in circles to the music the other boys would play on the stereos despite their mockery and would come up with stupid magic tricks he thought none of us could do ourselves— like he was the only wizard in the group.

How is this what our lives have turned to? He watched me as my mum died and had to turn the other way like everyone else. He knew what was happening to me at home, even if he pretended not to. I think deep down we all know what goes on in each others homes despite our denial. He had to watch as his mum was beaten and bruised by his father until it was too much for her to survive anymore. He lived through all the shit I had to live through.

"I know you're trying." He swished his wand and untied my wrists before he pulled me into his embrace. "You'll get it, Rain. You're the smartest witch I've ever met. There's nothing that you can't learn to do. You've been doing this since you were little, you just have to get a little stronger at taking the pain-"

"That's all I ever do. All of my life is a constant cycle of fighting off pain, and one day it's just going to break me into nothing. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want everything to be over, I want it to end." I slipped off my chair and fell to the floor with him, my body pooling into a pathetic puddle of hopeless despair. Theo hugged me awkwardly and sat in silence while I sobbed to my hearts content— like it would make any difference.

"Does Zabini know?" Theo asked after a long minute. That was always such a typical question in my life.

Does Blaise know you're in pain? Does Blaise know how much you hate your life? Does Blaise know?

"Of course not. I'd never let him know how I'd give anything to just get away from this world and never have to look back. The thought of what it would do to him turns me into a coward almost every time I even want to leave." I sniffled, starting to lean way from the boy in front of my as my emotions began their own cycle of shutting back down before I showed too much weakness.