Without Armor

Chapter 8

It had been almost two months before Ravka was able to go back to a bit of normalcy. Vernera stayed by her cousin's side, helping him rebuild and making Ravka a stronger place. Even though she still felt like she hadn't found a place to call home, she had become quite close with a lot of the people that would hang around the palace. Nikolai, after much arguing and debating, agreed to let Novalie Lanstov die with the past and embraced his cousin's new persona. The two had resumed their relationship, being best friends as well as related. Vernera only had one thing she was not getting used to, the royal customs of Ravka. The big fancy dresses made her uncomfortable, and every time someone would utter "your highness" or "your excellency" in her direction she would cringe entirely. It was almost as though she had fully moved on from the Crows in Ketterdam, moved on from Kaz, or so she wanted to believe.

Kaz used the money from their most recent job to revamp the Crow Club and kept his remaining crows close. On the outside, he seemed to have everything figured out and planned for. But every night when he would lock himself in his room and look in the mirror, he could only picture her face, what she said to him the last time they met. I will love you without your armor. Those words were burned into Kaz's soul, haunting him like his brother still did from time to time. He just wanted to see her again, he missed the moments they would share together. Secretly, Kaz was trying to open himself up a bit, from time to time he would take off his gloves and do a lap around the crowded floor of the club before running back to his room in a panic. Without your armor he would repeat to himself. He wanted to be better, but he also hadn't taken any heist jobs since Ravka. He didn't know why, but deep down Kaz couldn't bring himself to take a job without having his second in command by his side.

Jesper saw Kaz crumbling slowly, and it hurt him to know that he was losing the man he trusted for years. It was almost scary to him, to see this emotionless statue of a man be overtaken by his demons. He spent many hours at the gambling tables, what would you expect? He had Wylan, and the two had gotten quite close, to the point where Jesper even wondered if they could ever be more than what they were now. Not having Inej and Vernera around was unusual for him. He missed their gossip sessions they would have, or even just playing dumb games with each other until Kaz would yell that they weren't doing their jobs. He just wanted his family back together, was that too much to ask?

Nina spent her days trying to visit Matthias in Hellgate. She tried to get the crown King's letter of pardon to the guards, but they didn't listen to her, not with Pekka Rollins somehow running the joint from the inside. She felt like an outsider of the group, missing the banter her and Vernera would share. But she hung around the Crow club because she really didn't know what else she could do. She also took an interest into Kaz's downfall, not in a negative way, but rather in such a way that she keep her distance and mentally write down the things she needed to tell Vernera if she would ever return. She longed for happiness, for clarity, but neither seemed to be coming anytime soon.

Vernera was being fitted for her dress for the new King's official coronation. Although Nikolai agreed that she did not need to be present for the actual ceremony, he insisted that she looked the part when the day arrived.

"How does it feel Miss Lanstov?" The seamstress asked kindly.

"Miss Harther please, and fine, it feels fine." Vernera took a deep breath. It was hard to see the many battle scars that marked her pale skin. One of the reasons she didn't like wearing these revealing dresses was because of the stares she would get from others. The many questions of where she got them or the judgement that would follow the answers. The crows never judged her, Kaz never did.

"Are you alright Miss Harther? You seem troubled." The fragile old lady asked as she continued to stitch up the dress.

"It's nothing really, just not feeling my best." Vernera tried to put on a brave face as she looked at herself in the mirror. The long navy dress hugged tightly around her figure, the low cut top revealing more than she was wanting and the fabric made her skin itch. It was not her at all, at least not this new version of herself.