almost | taylor swift au

chapter 26

Two nights in Los Angeles. Two more shows, then she never has to see Jett ever again. Taylor keeps telling herself that as she walks into the El Rey for the first of the two nights. Gracie offered to be there, to buy a ticket to the show and sit with her by the merch booth the whole night. But Taylor knew that she needed to do this alone, so Gracie dropped her off and said she'd be back as soon as Taylor texted that it was time to go.

As soon as Taylor watched Gracie's car drive off down Wilshire Boulevard, she realizes that maybe she should've taken her friend up on that offer, for her to be there the whole night. She doesn't know how she's going to face Jett again. Especially not after she spent all of yesterday and today with Gracie, doing whatever it takes to get over him. Deep in the pit of her stomach, she's afraid that seeing him again is just going to make her regress to where she was two days ago.

She doesn't want to cry again tonight. She doesn't want to let him see her cry. He surely already saw it at the last show, the day after their breakup. She can't believe that a few short days ago, they were still together. It feels like a lifetime ago. She knew they were going to have to end things, she saw it coming. She just didn't realize exactly how hard it was going to be to move on.

She manages to slip into the venue and wonders if he's here yet. If not, he's going to have to walk through here, right past her, to get backstage. She awkwardly sets her bag down at her feet. She's not used to this- she'd normally keep her things in Jett's dressing room. All of this, the way that her job has changed so much so quickly... she just hates it. She wishes that she could turn back time. Way back, to stop herself from ever getting involved with him.

But she can't do that. So, she's just going to have to make it through theses two more shows, and then she'll be free.

As she starts to set up, though, she's given an excruciating reminder that she isn't free quite yet. She hears the door swing open and looks up to see none other than Jett himself. She considers hiding. Ducking down behind some of the storage of the merch booth, hoping he doesn't see her. But he knows that she's here. She's called at the same time every night, and she's always on time. It would be pointless to hide from him.

So instead, she tries to busy herself and hopes that he won't try to interact with her. As she watches him stumble towards the backstage area out of the corner of her eye, it's clear to her that he's been drinking. Which isn't good.

She genuinely hopes, for his sake and the sake of everyone who paid to come see this concert, that he's going to be able to sober up before he's got to take the stage. As upset as she is with him and about him, this tour has been a very important experience for her. She wants to see it end on a high note. She doesn't want his name to be raked through the mouths of the media as the guy who shows up drunk for his concerts.

And she certainly doesn't want to worry that she might be at fault for it.

Was he drinking because he knew he'd be coming here and seeing her? With hopes to make the sight of her just a little bit more bearable? She shudders at the thought. Even if that wasn't why he was drinking, if he doesn't sober up, she's going to probably have to spend her whole life wondering if that's why he was.

Part of her wants to say something to him. To offer him some help, to do whatever it takes to sober him up enough to perform. The other part of her detests that she's feeling that way. She feels so stupid. She knows that she's supposed to feel nothing but ill feelings against him. Against the man who toyed with her heart in so many ways. But she doesn't feel that way.

"Jett," she says softly. She doesn't even know if he'll hear her. She's shaking. She never thought she'd be so scared to talk to a man she once loved so deeply. If she's being honest, a man who she still loves, in spite of the fact that she knows she isn't supposed to. Her love is dwindling, but that sort of thing doesn't disappear suddenly. It takes time.