Everything Changes-The Summer I Turned Pretty

Eight

The movie ends and Conrad pushes his door open.

"Where are you going, Con?" Jeremiah asks.

"To Belly. That guy can just let her go home with us, it'll save him a stop."

"That guy's name is Cam, and he is perfectly able to bring me home himself." I turn away from Jere and look back outside. Belly must've seen Conrad and met him between our cars.

"Chill out, Belly," Steven says through his rolled down window.

"Me chill out? You're the ones that showed up to stalk me! Leave, now." She crosses her arms over her chest.

"Belly, c'mon, we were just joking," Jeremiah adds.

Belly ignores him and looks at Conrad. "Go," she tells him. Conrad holds his hands up, "surrendering", and backs back towards the Jeep. For the first time since the start of the movie, Belly looks at me. "I can't believe you came too."

I feel a shot go through me, a shot of hurt. A part of me felt guilty for telling the boys where she was, but then I realized they would have found her anyways thanks to the location app Laurel made her and Steven have. And then I would have been left behind, the same as last night, the youngest left home alone with the moms while everyone else went out to have their own adventures.

"Well I wanted to do something with my friends after being lied to and not invited to the party last night," I shot back without thinking. Belly didn't look hurt, she looked like she was looking for words more hurtful to say back. I shifted away from my window and directed my attention somewhere else.

"Grow up, Kristin. The rest of us have," I hear her say before Conrad gets back in and shuts his door.

Grow up, she says, like we aren't the same age. Sure, in a couple weeks she'll be sixteen. She'll be able to drive and I'll be stuck getting rides from her or Steven or my brothers or the moms.

Grow up, she says, because she's prettier than me. She wears makeup better than me, styles her hair cuter than me, dresses in more attractive clothing. She has Cam, and she has Conrad even though she doesn't know it. I don't think Conrad even knows it, but already this early into the summer I can see the new way he looks at her. And I have no one.

I wrap my arms around my torso, holding my breath because I'm afraid of making a sound from the pain I'm in. Cam and Belly back out and are gone and we're still parked here. I look up to see why we haven't moved. All three boys are looking at me.

"I'm sorry," Steven says. "I don't know why she was such a–"

Conrad holds up his hand to shush him. "Let's just get out of here, okay Jere?" He sounds sad, but I can't tell if it's because of Belly's reaction towards him, her words to me, or if he fell back into the strange mood he's been in.

"Yeah, sure," Jeremiah agrees and puts the Jeep into gear. I see him look at me in the rearview mirror and I try to smile. He forces one back.

I feel a memory tugging on my mind, back from when Mom had cancer. When someone told Conrad, Jeremiah, and I that us Fisher kids are strong. Too strong. And that it's okay to show weakness sometimes.

But Conrad kept being quiet, staying in his room more than usual and getting more competitive in football.

Jeremiah kept smiling and joking, making sure that everyone else was happier than he was.

And me, I did what my brothers did. I kept to myself and made everyone else feel okay by thinking I was okay.

I look at Conrad beside me in the car, and see that he's already watching me. I try to smile at him too, as I did to Jere, but he continues to frown and shakes his head. He's weak, but trying to hide it, and it scares me.

I unbuckle and scoot closer to Conrad, leaning my head against his shoulder. I hear his breath, shallow and quick, begin to slow to a more normal pace. He ruffles my hair, something he does to be playful and encouraging, but his face still looks grim. "Con, please," I whisper.

"What?" he whispers back. I want to ask him to stop. To break down for once, for me to know what's wrong. To tell him to forget about Belly and whatever feelings he might have for someone who all of a sudden hates me, and to focus on me and Jere and remember that we need him too. To remind him that it's his last summer before college and to make the most of it, that there are still memories to be made.

"Just," I say softly. "Don't." I pull away from him and he's still looking at me as though he doesn't know what I mean, but I see in his eyes that he does.

Jeremiah pulls into the driveway and tries to fill the silence as he gets out, cracking a joke at Steven who laughs louder than he should.

Conrad and I are still in the backseat, doors closed.

"C'mon, guys," Jeremiah says to us before shutting his door.

I nod and reach for my handle and catch a movement on Conrad's mouth. "I can't," he mouths and immediately gets out. He goes straight to his room and I know he's staying there for the rest of the night.

In the house, Jeremiah squeezes my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Kris."

I shake my head. My thoughts are swimming between Conrad and Belly: what's wrong with my brother and how am I going to fix things with my best friend? I was the one who messed things up between Belly and I, after all. I give Jere a side hug and tell him I'm going to bed early.

In our room, it feels empty without Belly. It seems darker, quieter, colder. I thought it would be easiest to fall asleep before she came home, but now I feel that it's harder. I click on the lamp next to the bed and fumble for my journal.

I screwed up. I'm sorry.

—I'm young and naive and don't know any better— I wrote out of spite. I stop to scratch out that line and decide to start again.

Don't blame Steven or Jeremiah or Conrad. Blame me. I want the best for you and Cam, and I messed it up. I hope everything will be OK between you and the boys, you and Cam, and you and me.

I rip the note out of my journal and prop it against Jr. Mint, Belly's bear, on the bed. Then I creep out my room and into the dark hallway, walking quietly towards Jeremiah's room. I rap on his door and he opens it, still looking wide awake.

"Can't sleep?" he asks, gesturing me inside.

"Is it that obvious?"

Jeremiah sits on the edge of his bed and pats the comforter beside him. "I hope we didn't mess things up between you and Belly. And about the party, I didn't know you wanted to come. I didn't even know Belly was coming or I would've invited you too." For a moment I can see an expression similar to Conrad's on Jeremiah's face.

"Jere, stop it. It'll be fine. Things are always fine at the beach house, aren't they?" I say with fake confidence.

Jeremiah's usual smile comes back. "You're right. Thanks to Mom, this place always seems to have magic like that."

I agree, then ask, "Mind if I stay here? Just in case Mom's magic doesn't kick in between Belly and I early enough tonight."

"Belly's not home yet?"

"Maybe, but not in our room at least." Belly could still be out with Cam, or downstairs having a midnight snack (not super uncommon), or even taking a swim.

Jeremiah nods and tosses the remote for his TV at me. "Pick out a show on Hulu. I'm not ready to fall asleep yet, but there's nothing better to do. Just make sure it's better than whatever we wasted our time watching tonight."

I laugh. "You weren't a fan either?"

"Are you kidding me? I only stayed 'cause Connie was eying up Bells the whole time."

"Don't remind me." I roll my eyes sarcastically, but part of it is truly out of annoyance.

Jeremiah ruffles my hair the same way Conrad did in the car. "It'll be alright, Kristin. Between him and you and Belly, it'll be okay."

"Okay," I say, clicking on a random movie and laying back. I'll try to trust you, I think to myself.