False God - Derek Shepherd

WINNING A BATTLE, LOSING THE WAR

The alarm sounded at 4:00 am. It was a dark day and it was raining. I like the rain, it reminds me of London.

Trust. That's a concept I've never been able to grasp.

I woke up, I was laying next to Derek, we were in his trailer. I tried to untangle myself from his arms without waking him up, but was unsuccessful.

"Hey, you are not trying to sneak out like last time, are you?"
I laughed "No, but I do need to get back to Meredith's before work."
He looked at me, his expression turned serious. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded. "How did you get those scars."
I looked away from him. I had many scars, most weren't noticeable unless you look meticulously at my body like he had last night. I could have probably made something up for those, however, there was no hiding the third degree burn in my lower back.

Trust means you truly believe in the reliability of a person. To have faith in them, in their character, their choices and motivations. But if I'm being honest, I have no idea how to trust.

"I better go if I want to make it to pre-rounds. I'll see you later." I left without another word.  I didn't like to talk or even think about my past, and those scars are a constant reminder of it. They remind me of a time when I was weak and helpless. I never want to feel like that again.

I arrived to Meredith's house or I guess I should call it my house now, and heard arguing upstairs.

"...put your clothes somewhere else!" I heard George yell
"Everywhere else is filled with Meredith's mom's boxes." Said Izzy
"Meredith? When is your mom coming back to town anyway? Because maybe we can put her boxes in storage."
"Or unpack a few things, make this place a little more homey. Maybe some throw pillows and lamps, a few paintings."
"Oh, paintings would be nice."
"Yeah! You have all this amazing stuff just packed away. In the back hall, I found this box with like a hundred tapes of your mother performing these amazing medical procedures.
"Really? We should watch them. Meredith, you want to watch—" Meredith's door slams in their faces; a moment later, it re-opens. Meredith takes Izzie's coffee and shuts the door again.
"Meredith, do you want some privacy?" Said George as I climbed up the stairs and they saw me.
"Are you wearing last night's clothes?" Asked Izzy.
"So?" I said slamming the door shut as well. I got changed and left before the others and met with Cristina outside the hospital.

People say learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks. But how do I learn it, when you've never had someone to teach you?

"Hi," said Cristina.
"Hey." I said.
"You look like crap."
"Cheers. Can I ask you a serious question?"
"Uh, alright."
"How do you know if you can trust someone?"
"What? That's—" she stopped herself when she saw my face.
"Have you never trusted anyone?"
"I suppose I never had anyone to trust."

"Fools on bikes killing themselves. Natural selection is what it is." Yelled Bailey.
"So what's up with the nazi, is she off her meds?" Said Alex quietly.
"You never heard of the race?" Asked George
"Chief! dead bike race started twenty minutes ago."
"All right, people! dead bike race day!"
"Every year this bar—" started George
"The dead Baby Bar." Interrupted Cristina.
"Every year, they hold this underground bike race. The race is completely illegal, and—"
"Crazy, a bunch of bike messengers racing against traffic trying to beat each other for free shots of tequila." I said
"All-out, no holds barred competition, sounds like fun." Said Alex
"Yeah, you would think that."
"The race doesn't even have any rules. Except eye gouging - no eye gouging." George told us.
"Oh great, we're going to be trapped in the Pit bandaging up idiots when we could be up in the OR?"
"What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule, that you can't rip out the eyeballs of another human being?"
"Men, Georgie, men." Said Alex
"I need someone to get up to the OR floor, the Chief needs a right hand." Bailey said.
We all shot our hands up.
Bailey: "George. Okay people, the rules of trauma. Don't mingle with the ER interns, they don't know their ass from their oesophagus. Sew fast, discharge fast, take bodies up to the OR yesterday. Don't let me catch you fighting over patients. Got it? Come on, let's go."
"Oh, it's like candy, but with blood, which is so much better." Said Cristina I snorted.