I Wonder

Weight

Nuer saw the sky outside bloom into an array of vibrant oranges and reds that touched every cloud like a kiss.

He had started staying over most nights with Syn, and for the most part, it had been a beautiful experience.

Last night was the fifth day in a row that he hadn't gone home, and a small part of him wished that he had.

The two had studied late into the night, and it was a little after midnight when Syn received a call. Syn was half-awake at the time, with finals coming so close that they could almost taste it in the pencil shavings that seemed to always find their way into their food, and didn't hear the phone at first.

Nuer nudged him with a toe, and Syn looked up. Realizing the music was coming from his phone, he quickly picked it up and almost put it down just as quickly.

The music took an agonizingly long time to stop, and only moments after it had, it started again.

Nuer sighed.

"Just let me answer it," he offered, "I can make them think they called the wrong number."

Syn's forehead creased as his mouth opened, about to offer a rebuttal when his brain started to process what it was that Nuer had offered.

The music stopped again before Syn could make a decision, and started again when it seemed that he had made one.

Syn took the phone and walked into the bedroom.

Nuer shrugged and went back to studying when he started to hear raised voices.

"I am not a commodity, how many times must I emphasize that?"

....

"I refuse."

....

"I do my best to uphold the tenants that you have had me study all my life, and I can guarantee that none of them have the tone, the language, or the disrespect that you have for your son as a human being."

Nuer's eyebrows raised and he stopped writing in his notebook.

Having been on the receiving end of Syn's brutally honest critiques on him, his character, and his life previously, Nuer almost felt half bad for the person on the other line.

However, the soft mumblings that he could not hear and the overall lack of an icy tone brought to mind only one person who could be on the other line.

Syn's mother.

Nuer hadn't learned much with his time spent in Syn's apartment, but it became obvious who Syn would rather be dealing with.

Out of the few framed photographs that Syn had scattered around, more than half were of Syn and his father (which when there are only 5 framed photographs in his apartment, it wasn't saying a lot but it was certainly saying enough).

Syn's father looked a lot like his son; the same neutral look in his eyes and the same diplomatic smile on his lips. He had a proud smile and a brilliant composition when he stood with Syn for a picture at his high school graduation.

The bedroom went quiet.

Nuer heard a silent thump of the phone hitting the mattress, then watched Syn carefully as he walked back into the main room.

Syn's eyes met Nuer, who could see for what felt like the first time an overflow of frustration and anxiety within Syn's state of mind.

Syn went to sit down to start working again, but with Nuer's eyes on him and the uncomfortable pit in his stomach, he couldn't focus.

"Are you alright?" Nuer asked, his voice as soft as possible.

He didn't bother asking if everything was okay, because it seemed in Syn's personal life, very little was ever okay.

"P'Nuer...can you do me a favor?"

Nuer nodded almost too fast.

"Don't look at me. I need to study."

The icy tone hadn't left Syn's voice after getting off the phone. If Nuer hadn't been used to it, he would've almost immediately fought back with Syn.

Nuer nodded and murmured an okay.

They both sat in an uncomfortable silence for the rest of their time studying before Nuer headed to bed and left Syn to process things alone.

This morning, as Nuer watched the sunrise bedazzle the lasting raindrops that stuck to Syn's window, he could feel Syn adjusting on the other side of him.

"Phi."

His voice was groggy. He had probably just woken up, and considering what happened last night, he probably needed more sleep.

Nuer shifted, seeing Syn's illuminated eyes peering at him with sleep still fogging his sight.

"I'm sorry for what happened last night," he murmured as Nuer turned fully over, "I didn't mean to sound bitter."

"It's okay," Nuer whispered, reaching his hand up and brushing the small bits of hair out of Syn's face, "You need more rest. Go back to sleep."

Syn almost felt like crying.

The care Nuer put into his smallest actions made Syn's heart feel like it was wrapped in a warm, soft blanket. Very few times had Syn ever felt that way, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was a way to feel cared for without the underlying threat of sorrow that tugged at the back of his mind.

He pulled himself closer to Nuer and placed his forehead on Nuer's shoulder before allowing his eyes to slide closed again.

----------------------------------

When he woke up, Nuer was gone.

Not just from the bed, but from the apartment.

It was late in the afternoon and Nuer had cleaned the apartment, done the few dishes and walked the trash out. He had organized Syn's notes on the coffee table and marked each class with a sticky note denoting the class.

He had left a sticky note on the fridge, explaining there was lunch (should he be awake for it) and dinner in the fridge waiting for him.

To Syn's dismay, they were both clearly one-person meals.

There was also one last sticky note on the front door.

Syn,

I am going home for a little while. There is laundry that I should do and some other things I need to take care of before class on Monday. Take the weekend off.

Nuer

When Syn pulled it off of the door, he discovered a second note that was sitting under it, written in far less neat handwriting.

I am not leaving because of something you did. I think that what you need is space. Don't think too much, I will see you on Monday for lunch.

Nuer

Syn held the two notes in his hands with a smile on his face. He brought them up to his lips, giving them the slight kiss that he knew Nuer had done before putting them up.

Even the messy one, which he probably wrote on his way back up from the first floor. Syn could almost see as Nuer unlocked the door with the combination he memorized the first time he came here, pulling the sticky note off and kissing it gently before placing it quietly under the first.

The thought made Syn blush as he turned around and headed back to the bedroom to shower.