Drowning

Seven

It's been a couple of days and my parents think I'm ready to go back to school. I don't have a say in the matter. It's what I've been dreading the most.

(TW) Last night I had a breakdown about going back and I self-harmed again, even after I promised myself I would stop. It's addictive...like how I started to skip meals whenever I started to skip meals whenever I'm anxious or feel the need to have control. Nobody's noticed... I want it to stay that way at least for now. (End tw)

God, I'm a mess.

I got off the bus and took a deep breath. I don't want to be here.

I jumped in surprise as Tori put her hand on my shoulder, I honestly forgot she was next to me. "If anything at all happens, text me," Tori demanded. I nodded and hugged her before walking into Truham. I squeaked as I bumped into Tao who was waiting for me.

"You feeling okay about being back?" Tao asked with worried eyes. The real answer is no, but I don't want to stress him out any more than I already have.

"I'm fine, I'm just going to go to the music block to practice drums before form," I explained. Drumming has been the only thing that can quiet my mind lately, other than hiding away in Mr.Ajayi's art classroom.

"Okay, don't forget we're getting a new form group in a couple of days." Tao reminded us as we went our separate ways.

Oh shit. I completely forgot about that. I hope whenever I'm sat next to is nice and not someone who would bully me again...

why am I so anxious all the time?

Once I got to the practice room in the art block, I set down my bag and sat at the drums, grabbing my drumsticks.
My thoughts slipped away as I hit the drums to the beat, feeling calm for once.  Music is the only thing that can make me feel safe.

That safe feeling began to slip away as I felt like someone was peering into the room, watching me. I set down my drumsticks and looked up, I was right. A guy who seemed to be a year older than me stood in the doorway, leaning up against the doorframe. He looked at me with a smirk as if he knew how attractive he was.

Why was he looking at me? Why was he here? He probably is here to make fun of me like everyone else does.

"You're pretty good at the drums." The brunette hummed, sitting down next to me on the stool that was only meant for one person. This caused me to blush, he was very close. "Oh...Thanks?"

"I heard about your coming out last term. That was very brave of you." He said softly as he bumped his leg against mine in almost a flirty way. I'm probably imagining this.

"I mean...It wasn't my choice but yeah, it just got found out " I got interrupted with a kiss.

Okay.

Wow.

Fuck.

This is really happening now...

I finally got my first kiss! With a pretty good-looking guy too...Wasn't his name Ben? He did look familiar. He was one of the most popular guys in school. Why would he want to kiss someone like me?

Ben pulled away and wiped the kiss off of his lips. "Let's meet up again, same place same time tomorrow. Don't tell anyone about this." He walked out of the music room.

Oh...

(Tw) My arms itched with that familiar urge as I realized he didn't want to tell anyone about kissing me and us meeting up. (End TW).

But it did make me feel good to be wanted even if it was a secret. The fact that a hot guy wanted to kiss me. It made me feel confident in a way.

Maybe he is the distraction I need from my busy mind.

A/N: hey guys!

I hope you like this story. It's almost over, I think about two more chapters left. But, I got a new story idea and wanted your opinion.

Yes, it's another Nick and Charlie story.

The summary of it is Nick and Charlie are older and don't know each other yet. Charlie lives in an apartment complex with his ass of a boyfriend Ben at the time when Nick moves into the apartment next door. One thing to know about Nick is he has a service dog for his anxiety, Nellie. Whenever Nellie is off duty she begins to try to get Nick to notice the signs of abuse next door.... Let me know if you guys are interested in that story!!