Fast Car | Escapes #1

Chapter 18

Too far? Did he go too far? My mind was racing and I was trying to think of a response while trying to make sense of everything.

"No, I don't think so," I responded, pulling away from him. "I don't know. Can I think for a little bit? Please?" I stood and folded my arms across my chest. There were so many things about our breakfast conversation that I needed to put into context and wrap my head around. I could not put it all together on the spot. 

He slowly stood and I felt him look at me for a long moment. I refused to turn to him. Eventually, I heard him pick up his plate and listened to him walk to the door where he paused. "Jen, I mean what I did, and I don't think it was a mistake," he said. "I want you to know that I have feelings for you. They've been around for a while, though I'm not exactly sure when they started. I want to kiss you again. I want to keep spending time with you. I don't want our trip to be over with."

When I didn't respond, he opened the door. "I'll meet you downstairs in an hour," I said as I heard the door start to close. 

"I'll see you there," he said before letting the door close all the way.

I looked over at my food, no longer hungry. The eggs were probably cold and the pancakes soggy. I sighed and fell back on the bed to think. 

He had feelings for me? Well, I had feelings for him, too, but what kind of feelings did he have? He did say he wanted to kiss me. Did he have a crush? Crushes went away. I didn't want to get into a relationship for it to fizzle out.

What was I thinking? I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship at all, least of all with him. But if that was truly the case, why was I so concerned about hurting him? I wanted to make him smile, to hear him laugh. I wanted all the good things for him. 

My fingers touched my lips. It wasn't the first time someone had kissed me - that was back when I was in middle school and someone confessed to me by planting one on me against my wishes - but it actually felt like it meant something. Not just to him, but to me as well. I replayed it in my head. His lips were so soft, and I couldn't help but move my own against them. He'd caught me off-guard, but I found myself not wanting to take a moment of it back.

Did all of that mean I had a crush too? Just how deep did this crush go? I wasn't sure I was prepared for much of anything. All I'd ever had in life were bad examples. What if he turned out to be the exact same as them? As my father? What if he was only playing nice to win me over? It was a risk I wasn't sure I was willing to take. Not for real.

He said he felt like he owed me. Truthfully, I'd forgotten over the last couple of days about what I told him. We'd been having fun and I'd seen him in a new light, one not colored by responsibility. It had been somewhat refreshing, though I was getting antsy from not working all day every day. He was a part of that, too. Being with him felt relaxing in a way being with someone had never felt before. 

From my limited knowledge, I definitely had a crush. ;

Great. What was I supposed to do about this? Our feelings were mutual. I never thought this would happen, and I never thought I'd ever want someone after seeing what my mom went through. 

I crawled up to the headboard and buried my face in a pillow. Why did my stupid heart pick now to fall for someone? I was supposed to be trying to find a job and a place to live, and here I was, thinking about someone that probably wasn't even worth my time. How bad could the timing be?

I was depending on him to take me places. Not just that, but he was paying for hotel rooms. He was also buying me dinner pretty much every night. What if that changed because we aren't compatible and decide we're better off as friends or acquaintances? What if he decided that he was done with this trip and decided we should go back to Rapid Falls? I couldn't go back. I wasn't going back. At all. Period.