Stardust

totally worth almost drowning

And when you smile

The whole world stops

And stares for a while - Bruno Mars

Conrad

Every year, I tell myself I'll play it cool. I'll wait in my room. I'll act like I don't care. Hug Laurel or Steven, one of the two, and low-key ignore Stella. I'll insert some casual dialogue and imply I'm seeing someone. I'll be an asshole.

I never do it. Not even when I was dating Aubrey I brought that up in front of her. Stella smiles at me and my resentment just flies out of the fucking window. It's such a beautiful smile.

Jeremiah and mom welcome them while I stand back, trying so hard not to look at her. She's wearing a t-shirt from her dad's album, Aurora, black jeans, and jewelry - several rings, two necklaces, four bracelets, and eight piercings in her ears. It's chaotic, but Stella makes it work. Everything looks good on her.

Her hands remain tugged in the jeans pockets while mom says something. Jere makes a comment and they laugh. Fuck. Her laugh. I saw Stella 2 weeks ago, and she laughed a bit that day, but it still hits close. Too close.

- Hey. - Belly steps out of the car, offering me a distraction.

- Hi. - Shit. Say something. The silence makes it weird. - I liked you better with glasses.

I regret the words the second they leave my mouth. It was the wrong thing to say. She certainly found a way to make that romantic, as usual. Belly's getting that weird look in her eyes. It doesn't matter that she seems older this summer, she's a child and she shouldn't be looking at me like this.

- Too bad. - She shrugs. - I like me better without them.

And now she's flirting with me. I'm gonna jump off a cliff.

- Hey, man. - Steven appears as the perfect distraction for the distraction, hugging me, and I hold back from sighing in relief. - How have you been?

Miserable. Every day I wake up feeling like shit. I'm terrified.

- Just fine. - My voice is even. If Steven notices anything wrong with me, he doesn't show it. Stella would've noticed. She always does. - How was the trip?

Like I knew he would, Steven starts rambling about the drive here, how expensive the gas is, the number of potholes in the road, and how he had to listen to Belly "sing" - he makes air quotes - for hours. She tells him to shut up like a hundred times, but he doesn't. Teasing his sisters is Steven's favorite pastime.

- It wasn't that bad. - Laurel tries to defend her daughter while she, mom and Stella join us, but her tone is hesitant. - Singing is a good way to express your emotions. It's healthy. Right, Stella?

All eyes turn to her. The singer. Billy Dunne's daughter. The one with the hypnotic voice and two singles with thousands of streams on Spotify. Stella looks at me for a second before turning back to Laurel.

- Absolutely. I'm a huge advocate. - She wraps an arm around Belly. - Your voice is just fine.

Stella and I communicate in a funny way when other people are around. She'll look in my direction, like she did just now, and say something that is secretly meant for me. I do it too. The choice of words is her way of calling me out on saying I'm "just fine". She knows I'm full of shit. Not much gets past her.

- No way. - Steven points an accusatory finger in Stella's direction. - You just love Belly too much to notice her faults.

That about sums up their relationship.

- Ok, you know what, Steven? - Jeremiah stands between them, as usual being the peacekeeper, with a huge smirk on his face. - Forget that. Because I don't know about you guys, but I think it's time...

- For the Belly Flop! - The two complete in unison.

Belly sprints across the garden with the guys on her tail. They try and fail to corner her in the driveway. After years of being an easy prey, it seems Belly finally learned how to run away. Mom and Laurel laugh as the boys continue to struggle with their chase.

My eyes find Stella's and I swear time stops moving. She's gorgeous. The high cheekbones, long dark hair, chocolate eyes, pale-ish skin. She has a lovely little birthmark on her left arm and a scar on her knee, visible through the holes in her jeans. She got it when she fell down the stairs when she was seven.

I'm not sure I'll ever find the right adjective to describe Stella, but the one I find the most fitting is dazzling. She has a spark, and even though it has diminished over the past few years, the flame never died. It's right there, behind her eyes, small but never gone.

- Connie, a little help! - Jeremiah's shout snaps me out of it and I start running too.

It doesn't take long for me to catch Belly. I don't know if that's because I'm much bigger than her, or because she let me catch her on purpose. When it comes to her, I never know. We dunk her in a pool, like we do every year, while our moms and Stella watch from the sidelines. Last year Belly asked her sister to jump in solidarity and I pray it doesn't happen again. Stella likes to wear big shirts, but all clothes are tight when they're wet.

Not like I need that. I remember what every inch of her looks like, head to toe. That's one thing the alcohol allowed me to remember, everything else is bits and pieces. But the image of her laying in my bed, the one upstairs, with nothing covering her? That I remember. Vividly.

- Guys, I hurt my ankle. - Belly whines and a flash of guilt takes over me. Jeremiah and Steven don't seem concerned. - I'm serious, it hurts.

If I was paying attention, I would've seen it when Jeremiah made a gesture for me to wait. But I wasn't. My mind was still in my bed, with Stella on it, naked. I take Belly's hand and all the air escapes my lungs when she pulls me into the pool. My head hurts. There's water on my nose. It burns.

- You fucking moron! - Steven laughs while he and Jeremiah shake their heads in disappointment.

The inside of my skull is catching fire. I'm about to yell at her, but then I see Stella is pissing herself laughing, covering her mouth with her hand full of rings. My anger melts away instantly. Totally worth almost drowning. Belly throws water on my face, laughing a bit and I throw back, mostly out of habit. When I get out of the pool, Stella isn't laughing anymore.