Stardust

'cause you kiss me and it stops time

'Cause after all this time

I'm still into you - Paramore

Conrad

I'm drowning. Not literally, but there's so much anger and sadness I might as well be. The emotions are getting the best of me as I make my way down the stairs. It's past 2 am, but I haven't been able to sleep after getting back from that stupid bonfire. The whole thing was a bad idea from the get-go and it escalated horribly. Laurel's rant was the worst part. How could she say that to Stella? I wasn't the only one who noticed how heartbroken she was, Jeremiah even put candy on her door knob to cheer her up when she wakes up.

One of my favorite parts about Cousins is that the night is real here. Outside the sky is pitch black illuminated by stars, the moon, and nothing else. The fridge is the only source of light on the first floor and it gives it an interesting aspect. Isn't there a Taylor Swift song about dancing to the refrigerator light? Stella likes that song.

I shake my head, dismissing the thought, and grab a cartoon juice, drinking straight from it. What happened at dinner haunts me. Over the past 3 years Stella told me many times that what happened between us was a mistake, but she never meant it.

I remember the way she smiled when I was joking around after Laurel was a douche and a grin touches my lips. Stella can deny it all she wants, but we have a connection, and I'm fucking tired of letting her run away from it.

I'm reaching for the water when I hear a noise in the pantry. A second later Stella walks out, holding a package of Oreos. She probably switched the Swedish Fish that Jeremiah gave her for these. Oreos are her favorite.

Stella freezes when she sees me. We stare at each other in silence. The house no longer exists, neither do the people who are sleeping here. Nothing else matters. It's just us.

Darkness takes over when I close the fridge. There's light from outside, but it's dim. Should I say something? I don't know what.

- Are you high? - Her voice quivers a bit, but she doesn't look away.

Stella's question catches me off guard. I smoked weed before dinner and at the party, but the issue was the beer. Of course she was going to notice. It's Stella.

- Not at this moment. - I reply, and it's true. That seems to ease her up, but barely. - You're full of shit, you know?

Her nostrils flare and she crosses her arms. The Oreo package makes a crunchy noise. There are probably a million better ways I could've expressed my thoughts, but I'm pissed. Today was too long. I'm not in the mood to keep things quiet for her sake because what about mine? The things I want to say and Stella has refused to listen?

- How many times are we gonna have this conversation? - Her voice is disturbingly even.

She doesn't lose her patience. What happened today was an example, Stella was pissed at us for letting Belly get hurt, but she never yelled. She was also mad at Laurel for implying she isn't family and didn't argue with her either. I've only seen her yell twice and both times it was at me.

- As many times as it takes for you to admit the truth. - My tone might be lower, but it's angrier. - What happened that night-

- Was a mistake. - She interrupts me, and I feel the knife to my chest. No matter how many times I hear this, it always hurts, even though it's clear she doesn't believe it. - We were drunk and we made a mistake.