ALL THE LOVELY BAD ONES | CARL GRIMES

twenty one. truly madly deeply

Earlier, I had been distracted for only a moment as an elderly women took both my hands and started talking to me, and when I had turned back, hoping to use Carl as an excuse to get out of her grip, the sheriff boy was no where to be seen.

I hope it wasn't as obvious as it felt to me, but Carl and I didn't spend much time apart. He had my back as I had his. While on the road, we were always so wary. Willing to fight if need be. An instinct we couldn't afford to lose whether we were safe or not.

Finally, my eyes caught onto a head of dark, shaggy hair that brushed famously against the collar of his flannel.

I dropped down onto my heels and leant against the archway frame, smiling in relief before moving in. I kept a hand on the wall as I edged around the conversing adults bearing sloshing wine glasses. I made it to the hallway's entrance, in the state of that party I felt like I was on a rocking ship. Everyone tipping back and forth, swaying in conversation.

Then I was stopped again. Deanna Monroe, the woman who ran the place and also owned the house we were frolicking in, cut off my advance with a touch of her cold, polished hand to my arm.

"Enjoying the party?" She asked pleasantly. She seemed nice enough, almost old enough to be a grandmother but very professional in every sense of the word. She had a kind smile though, that squinted her eyes and made you feel like you were important. The smile of a mother, I noticed, the face she was giving me now.

I short circuited for a moment, forcing myself to remember my manners once more. Common pleasantries such as that had been so far gone while we were on the road. 'Please' and 'Thank you' were simply intended, not said out loud amongst my people. "Yes." I told her, although I wasn't sure if it was true. "Thank you for having us all here."

The woman nodded graciously, still grinning. "The pleasure is all mine, your group has been such a wonder to me."

"Oh?"

"Just to see you all, so in tune with the way of life out there, and then being able to come inside these walls... You have one foot in each world. Surviving and living. I hope the rest of Alexandria can follow in all your people's lead."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Suddenly, I felt a twinge of anger flare up inside me. These weren't two worlds, surviving and living. What's outside the walls was real. Inside, everything was fake. A ruse. A made up fantasy of the past that I had shed long ago. Now, I was being thrust back into it. Forced to play the part, to act like a teenage girl who had not seen the horrors of humanity.

I was almost cannibalized. I could have said. That would have caught her off guard. But I wasn't the type to make unhinged statements just to prove some point or to disturb this kind woman who had taken us in.

Despite the fact that I didn't want to, and honestly I didn't even have to, I returned Deanna's kind smile. I put on the show for her, what she wanted me to be. A girl who could survive and live at the same time. Who could kill the dead and walk in the sun for hours, but then turn around and go to parties in a pretty shirt and play videos games with other kids. "Me, too." I said, like what she hoped for was so easy.

If only she knew, it was tearing me apart.

With a gentle squeeze of my arm, she departed with a pleased nod.

I felt my face fall, back into a grimace. Feeling a little despondent. I went back to seeking out the boy.

Carl's back was still to me as he spoke with Ron and Mikey. Enid was no where to be seen.

"Jigglypuff can't be defeated by Megatoad, everybody knows that." Carl argued and Ron began to defend himself but I cut in.

"Hey guys."