The Checklist || Álvaro Morata

VIII

We woke up the next day, her body plastered to mine underneath the covers. She still had her eyes closed, lips slightly parted as she let out small breaths and subconsciously moved closer to me. Her body radiated warmth, and I had to resist the temptation to kiss her head, for fear that it might wake her up. I spent the next few minutes contemplating my ceiling, thinking about my project and the pictures that lay developing in the darkroom at Uni. When she finally stirred beside me, I turned towards her, so that our noses were almost touching. She smiled drowsily, eyes still squinting and part of her hair matted and stuck to one side of her head.

I laughed softly, bringing my hand to her head and tangling my fingers in her dark brown locks, admiring the way her eyes seemed to twinkle with their own light as they slowly opened more and more. Leaning in just a bit, I softly pressed my lips to hers, for a few fractions of a second. When I pulled away she was giggling, albeit just slightly.

"Maybe we should brush our teeth before any of that."

It got a chuckle out of me, until a wave of misery hit me, as I realised that this was something I wouldn't have forever. In fact, it was something I wouldn't have for much longer.

"What's wrong?"

Clearly my sadness had shown on my face, as Carolina gave me an inquisitive look.

"Nothing," I averted my gaze, biting my lip as I pondered over my next words carefully. "I just realised that this is the first time I've woken up in the morning next to you, that's all."

She gave me a sympathetic look, and whispered, "No, that's not it," she placed her palm on my cheek, caressing it with her thumb. "You just realised this was how you'd rather spend your whole life, and that you won't be able to."

I stayed silent for a while, looking her straight in the eye, trying to find something- anything- that might indicate fear, despair, longing.

Instead, all I found was pity, and a hidden apology which she did not owe me.

"Life sucks," she said after a while.

"It fucking does."

-

I'd gotten out of bed to see what I could take from my fridge to prepare an edible breakfast. I wasn't a bad cook, but I had been so worried about Carolina lately that I'd been living off take-out and delivery. I found some ham that was still fresh, as well as some sliced cheese, and decided I'd make some simple ham and cheese sandwiches with the whole-wheat bread that was left over in the kitchen. I took my camera from my desk, with the intention to charge it, but as I entered the room, I just had to snap a picture of the sight before me.

The blinds had been opened, sunlight flooding into the room and washing over Carolina's delicate figure. She was looking out the window, a pensive yet serene look on her face, the white sheets covering her breasts as she held them against her chest. She turned towards me as she heard the faint click, looking at me with a puzzled look.

I ignored her, appreciated the great picture I'd just taken on the small display screen. I could already see myself applying the finishing touches on my computer later, maybe increase the highlights, and add some shadows in the lower corners, perhaps even play around with the contrast.

"Why are you suddenly always taking pictures of me?"

I smirked, "You'll see, corazón."

-

A shower and a couple of hours later, we were both standing outside Carolina's house, hesitant to go in.

"We've got to go in one day, you know."