Lorien Loves Stohn

Piss Off, Johnny

"I don't think so. He smells like alcohol though... But you don't think... Well no but... I'm so worried. What do you think is wrong? ...but he's not like this normally... Do you think he'll wake up soon?"

"Unngh" I groan. "Wha- where?"

"Hey, Nine. It's John. You're at home now. You're all good. You're safe."

"Wait what? We're on Lorien?"

John laughs. "No. I wish. You're at the John Hancock Center. Seems to me like you had quite the night last night? What do you remem-"

"Owwwwww"

"That'd be the hangover."

"Fuck you, hangover."

That gets another laugh out of him. I would say something to make him stop laughing, but my head feels like there's a nuclear war going on inside of it.

"Get the healing stone, it huuuurts."

I look up to see John roll his eyes and sigh. "You know, I was going to. But then I figured that you deserve this. You can't just go prancing around the city hooking up with girls. We got shit to do!"

"To be fair, ungh-" I push myself into a seated position, "You make it sound like I was a freaking unicorn. Prancing. Whatever. I needed some me time. Last time I checked, you ditched Six in the middle of a fight to bang that human of yours." It hurts to say that. I know that the "feelings" for John that I'm harboring are wrong in and of themselves, but when he has a girlfriend? Someone he loves?

"I don't own her." John growls through clenched teeth. "And we didn't- well... you know what happened."

"Johnny went to jail." I sing.

"Whatever. Get the healing stone yourself. I am so done with your shit."

Dammit. I went and did it again. As soon as John leaves the room, I slap myself across the head. How stupid am I? I can't go and make him hate me, despite what I said earlier. We're at war. I need to get over whatever's going on in my mind and be a FRIEND to John. Talk about being put in the friend zone, I think.

I put my hands behind my head, lean back, and wait for the pain of the hangover to take hold. I almost fall asleep. Almost.

You can tell me.

"Piss off, Johnny."

John went onto the roof of the building to think a bit. I know you want to be in your own head right now, but please, Nine. You need to tell someone what's happening.

Bernie Kosar crawls up into my lap. I sigh. "God, BK. So persuasive really. Like I've never heard that argument before."

What would Sandor say?

"I-"

Sandor's name takes me by surprise. I'm left utterly speechless. What would Sandor say? Sandor would be pissed about me staying so closed up, and then he'd beat the crap out of me until I told him. That's it. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I would be forced to explain. "Sandor isn't here." I say to BK firmly.

No, he isn't. But I am. John is. The others are. And for now, Earth is here. But I can promise you it won't be here long if you wind up hurting yourself again. Tell me what is wrong and I can help you.

I don't know if it was the mention of Sandor, the fresh wave of guilt for hurting myself that hit me, or the sudden reminder of what my job on Earth is, but a tear escapes. First one. Then two. And then the dam breaks and the flood begins. I cry silently there, BK in my lap, for several minutes before I'm able to get my bearings.

"If you tell John any of this, you're dead."

You have my word. I will keep silence.

"I-" I take a huge deep breath. "I think I love him."

And then, silence. The most dreaded sound of all. I don't move. I don't think. I don't breathe. I sit there, mute, awaiting a response. But the room remains dead silent. It's so quiet that I can hear a couple arguing several flights down. I can hear a vendor at the base of the building shouting "Hot Dogs! Fresh off the grill! A dollar per dog!". I can hear the steady click-clack-click of the elevator descending towards a lower level. I slowly roll my eyes in Bernie Kosar's direction, awaiting his approval or disgust.

After what seems like an eternity of silence, BK stands up, and sits down again next to me. I see. Is all he thinks.

Another blanket of silence covers us. I'm too uncomfortable to remain here with BK, so I get up and leave. I walk into the Lecture Hall. Consequences be damned, I need another distraction.

The system starts up. I use my pipe-staff to dodge the few obstacles that still function, tear through Mog dummies and I punch the living shit out of the punching bags. All there is is fighting. Fighting until my brain is numb. This is a difficult thing to do, as my hangover is still ripping my skull in half. I fight for some time before I notice John in the doorway.

"John, hey." I let my pipe staff clatter to the floor and I saunter over to John. "What's up?" I'm immediately nervous that Bernie Kosar told John, but nonetheless, I try to look as swag as ever.

"We should talk."

"Did BK say anything?" I ask, trying to remain calm.

"He said you two talked. I'm glad. But I'm hurt you didn't talk to me."

"Pff, whatever, John. You're being selfish."

"Selfish?! Nine, I'm terrified you're going to wander off and shoot yourself or something! Yesterday, when you left, all I could think was that you were never coming back! See, I haven't known you a long time, but your personality suddenly shifted once we got here, to Chicago. All the sudden you're angry at everything, you're freaking hurting yourself, and randomly leaving to hook up with girls from a bar! You're unpredictable and out of control. I've lost so many people and-" John is crying at this point, his voice shaky.

"And you don't want to loose me." I try to sound comforting, but with a voice as husky and gruff as mine, I know it won't sound that way.

"Oh, please, stop pretending like you care about me all of the sudden." And there it is. The one thing that could send me boiling over the edge.

"You think I don't care about you?! John stop being such an ignorant BRAT and realize that maybe I CARE TOO. I have feelings. I may be hardened from years in that fucking Mog prison, but that doesn't mean I'm an emotionless blob! Get over yourself!" I want to throw myself off the roof. This is not going how I planned.

"Alright, you know what? You seem pretty riled up. Let's get this over with so we can move on. Here," John says before closing his eyes and putting his hands behind his back. "Take your shot. Let's get past this."

My heart beats quicker than it ever has before. Faster than any near-death experience. I know what I'm going to do before I even know what I'm going to do. Wait- that doesn't make sense. Well, nothing does. Every thought I have melts into a giant glob of meaningless gloop as I rush towards John. I try to stop myself, I really do. But it happens.

John tenses for a punch, maybe a hard kick, but instead I cup my hands on his cheeks and kiss him.