The Queen Below

Chapter 9

I confided in Alecto, giving her a lot more personal information and deep-rooted feelings than I was usually comfortable with.

I asked her how she had known I liked women without even knowing me, and she informed me that it was about instincts and the way I reacted to men. She told me that even if I didn't know if the woman I liked also shared my inclinations, the only way to find out was to ask, or to show her how I really felt and hope for the best.

When I finally admitted that I felt guilty for thinking of Hades in such a demeaning way and how horrible it made me feel, Alecto's eyes softened and she took my hands in hers.

"You know as well as I that it is far more common, and sometimes even celebrated, for men to take lovers of the same gender than it is for us, but that does not make it wrong to feel the way that you do. How can anything be wrong about such a thing as simply caring for someone? There's nothing to be done about your feelings, but there's nothing you should do to prevent it. What you feel is normal, in both pure and dark desires, and it is perfect. Loving women is not wrong and you should never, ever feel guilt because of it. Be shameless and reckless and giving with your love, Persephone. You are a goddess, after all, and we take and love what we want."

I had started crying then, an unstoppable swell of emotion that caused my shoulders to heave at the release of the fear and doubt I had been keeping locked away. At first, I had tried in vain to swipe them away before they spilled, but Alecto pulled me into an embrace and held me until I stopped shaking.

She murmured more soft assurances as I dried my eyes and tried to breathe, and sent me off with, "Persephone, show her how you feel."

My shoulders, along with my soul, felt lighter and cleansed as I headed back to the palace and slipped into bed. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep immediately.

My dreams of Hades were light and full of love and happiness, a reflection of my newfound hope.

Sometime during the night or early in the morning, I woke from the sound of someone coming into my room, or perhaps it had been a dream. It felt too hazy and surreal to be anything except a dream.

I was still too asleep to open my eyes but I asked, "Hades, is that you?"

"Yes," she murmured quietly. "I've only just returned."

My head still pressed into my pillow, I reached out blindly for her, still thinking I was dreaming because I always had more courage in my dreams. "Mmmmm, Hades... Come here."

She took my hand and climbed into bed with me without saying anything, the bed shifting as she settled in next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. As I drifted back to sleep, she pressed her lips into my shoulder and sighed.

When I woke up, it took me several moments to realize that inviting Hades into my bed was not something my subconscious had dreamed up to torment me. Hades' arm was still loosely hanging over my waist. My face blanched at the realization, but when I turned my head and saw Hades was still sleeping, my expression softened.

As I watched her sleep, her chest rising and falling against my shoulder, her hair fanned out across my pillows, I thought about what Alecto had told me.

It was not wrong to feel this way about Hades.

It was not wrong to want to kiss Hades or think about making love to her.

I repeated those phrases in my mind while I thought of ways to show Hades how I felt about her. I could just tell her outright, or wake her up by kissing her, but nothing I thought of felt right to me. Perhaps, if the time ever came around, I would know.