A Crown of Golden Leaves: A Percy Jackson Fanfiction

Caput LX: The Crownless King

"My Crown is in my heart, not on my head:
Not deck'd with Diamonds, and Indian stones:

Nor to be seen: my Crown is call'd Content,

A Crown it is, that seldom Kings enjoy."

― William Shakespeare

Caput LX: The Crownless King

Old, familiar spirals greeted Percy as he climbed over the the hill, and he stared down at Roma.

A wave of homesickness suddenly washed over him so powerful that it made tears sting at his eyes. The last he had seen this place, he had been... he had had to run from Roma. He had to run from his city, his country.

This was all his.

Or it had been, he remembered.

Just because you don't have a crown doesn't mean you're not a king.

Except, he didn't want to be a crownless king. He wanted - he wanted his country back. He knew he didn't deserve it, after everything he had done, but...

Once, I wanted to be a circus performer. But I don't think I can be that. There's something inside of me that wants to be more, though more of what... I don't... I don't know what I want anymore.

He took a deep breath and let it go.

~...~

Is this the way you want to rule your country, Perseus? Bianca's accusing brown eyes bore into him.

You are my king, Jason said, his eyes shining with unadulterated faith, I would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked.

Annabeth laughed as she took his hand. You're not a coward, Percy. and Don't eat me please!

His pater looked at him with judgmental eyes. One day, you will be the Caesar. And I will not tolerate you being any less than the best you can be. You will be stronger, and smarter, and better than the people out there.

Mater - his sister - gods, he still didn't know what to think, smiled at him as she stroked his hair as he cried about something inane. You'll rule these people one day. You have to be the best you possibly can be, and not accept anything less.

He woke with a gasp, trying to breath even though he didn't know how to at this point. He shuddered. So many people had depended on him, so many people had dreams for him, so many people ... He didn't know what they saw in him though. It had to be something.

His eyes burned and there was a precious building in his chest. He didn't want this. He had never wanted this. He just...

How could he be better when he didn't think he deserved it? How could he accept that? How could he... how could he... What?

What did he want to be? What did he want?

He could turn his back on all of this. But every part of him screamed no. He wouldn't be Perseus anymore. He wouldn't be - he didn't even know what Perseus was. He had so many expectations thrust upon him.

He wasn't as brave or as honorable as he had thought he was. He wasn't wise like Annabeth or steely as Reyna. He didn't have Jason's moral compass or Rachel's endless compassion. He was just Percy, who never measured up to half of his people's expectations. And he had tried. Gods, had he tried. He thought he had managed it. He had thought he might have managed to surpass them. But he had run away. He had turned his back on Roma when it needed him so many times. He had...