Frostbite

Chapter Ten

Eira knew it was a bad habit. She knew someday she could be found out and there would be severe consequences. She did it regardless.

Every day after classes ended, she would sneak down a restricted—to students—corridor and listen through the door of the Tutors lounge. After classes finished, all the Tutors lengthily discussed various sorts of topics. They, she'd learned, liked a good gossip.

She wasn't sure if she did it to listen out for any possible news about her family, or whether it was just because she wanted to know what was going on in the world outside. The training grounds were extremely sheltered; it was if they were all residing inside a bubble for the amount of stuff they were informed of. Thus, she'd realised that listening into the Tutors' conversations would the the best way possible to gather information.

She'd started doing it nearly six months ago. In the entire time, she hadn't had as much as a scrap of information regarding her family. But—she at least had the gist of  what was happening in general. Most of what the Tutors discussed—apart from worthless gossip and small talk—was about the rising rebel groups in the city. There had always been some kind of a rebellion going on with the ordinary people and rouge Frosts, but recently it was actually becoming a significant issue for the Permafrosts. At least— that was what the Tutors thought. The topic itself reopened old, but still barely closed wounds for Eira. Still, she forced herself to continue. Information was indescribably precious and vital in a place like this.

At that moment, she stood behind the large oak door of the lounge. She hadn't told anyone about her practice of coming here. If she'd told Edan he'd most likely scold her and tell her how she was being reckless and would likely be caught. Honestly, he needed to loosen up a little. She knew the risks, but disregarded them. She didn't know if he would empathise with her desire for knowledge. They'd never discussed anything of the sorts. She didn't dare, really. Not after what had happened to her.

Currently, the tutors were talking about the weather. It was a tedious subject, and not one Eira would ever inflict on herself, much less whomever she was talking to.

Eira sighed rather loudly, before stopping herself and clapping a hand over her mouth. It was a wonder she hadn't been caught yet. She didn't consider herself particularly stealthy, but who knew, perhaps she secretly was. She had always lost in games that involved sneaking around as a child, because Cerin always heard her. But maybe she'd improved since then. It was an awful long time ago. She bit her lip. She often wished she could return to those carefree days.

It was hard to believe how many years had passed. Now she was nearly the same age she had been when she— never mind. That was something Eira had sworn to herself she wouldn't think about when she could help it. It was too painful. Too painful. If she thought of it she would surely have flashbacks to that day. It was a time in her life she wished she could just forget. She had a few times like that. For being so young, she certainly had a lot of regrets. She had a lot of things weighing her down. She had experienced so much loss. Some days she thought everyone would still be happy and alive if she had just never existed. However, it wasn't as if she could change that now. She'd sworn to herself that day that she would live on for who she still had. She was almost strong enough now. 

Damn it. She'd let her mind drift off down that way again. If she didn't consciously distract herself, it always happened.

She put her ear against the door, tugging on a piece of her hair absentmindedly. The Tutors had moved onto some talk about their rich cousins. Again, monotonous and bragging nonsense. It would be a little while until they moved onto some interesting topics, if they did at all— some days it didn't even get past the weather. She supposed things were looking up if they had moved onto their family dramas.