When Best Friends Kiss

After the Kiss - Part 1

I was dreading what high school would be like without Liam by my side. When I stopped showing up at the lunch table, Kareem and Jeremy didn't come looking for me, just like they didn't go looking for Liam. Kareem sent me a message one day asking if I was coming to lunch. 'No,' I replied. 'Have fun with Liam.' Because Kareem lacked autonomy and backbone and Jeremy was a selfish jerk-off, I was left with no friends. I spent my free time during school in the library.

Sci-fi and Fantasy were my preferred genres, but in January, I decided to try something different. After searching "gay" and "LGBT" in the catalogue, I found a few books that sparked my interest. One day, in some romance movie-type cliché, I reached for a book at the same time as another boy.

"Hi," he said. "Do you know this book?" He looked me up and down.

A dusting of freckles and pimples were sprinkled across his warm beige skin. His eyes were a pretty, light brown and his curly short hair matched in color. He wore a simple grey Abercrombie hoodie. Our styles were pretty similar, though my clothes came from Costco. I wondered if his mom bought his clothes too.

"I know what it's about, if that's what you're asking."

We stared at each other, both obviously trying to figure out if the other was gay.

"I'm Malcolm," he said under his breath in his nasally voice. "And I'm gay." He twirled his hand and rolled his eyes, "As if that wasn't obvious. I couldn't be closeted even if I wanted to."

"I'm Alex," I replied just as quietly before glancing through both shelves to make sure no one was around. "And I don't know if I'm closeted."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow then squealed. "Oh my god. Okay, okay. We're friends now. If you don't want to hang with me, that's cool, but like, at least internet friends. I need another gay guy to talk to."

I shook my head and shrugged one shoulder. "No, we can hang."

The rest of lunch period, Malcolm and I whispered and giggled about all things growing up gay.

"I was a really pretty kid! Then puberty hit and OMG." He pointed to a zit beside his nose. "Do you see this bitch? I've been trying to get rid of her for weeks. Anyway, I played princesses and stuff with my sisters. We had betrothals and everything. And my brother played the king and the princes fighting for our hands." He looked off nostalgically. "And everyone thought my mom had three daughters. I think with four kids, my mom just didn't care about the details. As long as we're not on drugs and there's food on the table."

I tried to hide the envy. I never wanted to play princess, but I couldn't imagine the increase in harassment I would've received if I had wanted to actively do something considered feminine. "So, all your family accepts you?"

"Well, no one really talks about it. Including me. I told her I was gay and she looked at me like why was I wasting her time with something so trivial. You know that Mom Look? Does your mom do that?"

I hated to stereotype, but if I was being honest about my own family... "Well, I guess?"

"Well, trust me, there's this expression all moms make. My grandma does it and my mom sometimes does it. So my mom's face was like, 'Boy, why aren't you doing homework?' She literally did. not. care. So I guess, yeah, they know and don't have any problem with it."

I wondered if things could be the same for me when it came to my family's acceptance. I really didn't think my mom would kick me out or anything. But I just didn't want her to treat me any differently. That was my biggest fear. That things would be awkward. That I would no longer be her son, but her gay son.

Despite the differences between Malcolm and me, having someone to confide in and relate to felt amazing. We shared our gay discovery stories with each other and the lashback we'd received from peers as kids. The next day, I even told him about Liam, though it was still a sore spot for me. Malcolm completely sided with me, saying it wasn't my fault and that Liam had made a "dick move." A weight lifted off my shoulder.