Seeking Love

People think that were lucky for having such talents. That we should be extremely happy because we have all the money we can imagine. But guess what I am not happy. I’m extremely famous, I mean it’s ridiculous. I can’t sleep in peace because people are always trying to sneak into my home, but of course that was a few months ago until finally I decided to move in with my “boyfriend”. Notice how I said “boyfriend” yeah well I don’t love him; I don’t even like him to be honest. The only reason were together is because our managers thought it would bring us more publicity. But I want real love no this fake nonsense. I want to have a real smile plastered on my face every time some photographer tells us to be happy.

What makes me happy nowadays is when I see my back in a mirror. Seeing the beautiful giant tattoo of a koi fish swimming down my back. See in Japanese culture koi fish climb a waterfall in spite of the heavy current attempting to keep them in their pool. Koi battled perseverance to climb the falls because it wanted this outcome so badly, but the reason I got it is well because before being famous, before all the screaming fans and the fortune; I went through a lot of difficult situations. I was discovered for my talent a year ago, I was nineteen. Before being “discovered” my father used to abuse me, physically and emotionally. My mother well she was a drunk and an addict, she tried to protect me once but that just ended, well, very madly. Almost killed her. I was sixteen when that happened. That day I decided to leave home and start a life on my own where I didn’t have to suffer and hopefully along the way I could find someone that would truly care for me. I didn’t. I went through hell.

I was born and lived in Puerto Rico. I was determined to somehow get to New York and of course to be able to do that I would need money. When I ran away from home I walked from Mayaguez to San Juan which a very, very long walk considering the fact that San Juan was on the other side of the island. Of course every now and then someone would give me a ride and drop me off as close as they could. I got to San Juan eventually, it to a week and a half. When I got there I began to look for a job. That sure didn’t take long. The manager of a club called El Calor which means The Heat in Spanish gave me a job as a waiter. They played amazing music and the place was always packed. The manager’s name was Ricardo. He was very handsome with short black hair, had a beach body with a perfect tan and his eyes wow his eyes were amazing you could say he had a perfect mix of green and hazel in them and a perfect smile with pearl like teeth. Very charming of course and he could make you smile in your worst moments. He was only twenty one when we met, when we met I quickly told him my situation and he was very understanding. He even offered a room to stay in above the club which was where he lived. I gladly accepted.

Ricardo and I became very good friends. He watched after me while I worked and made sure the costumers didn’t take advantage of me. Sometimes after work we would stay up for hours talking and making memories. He was the one that gave me my first alcoholic drink I was seventeen by then. I have to admit at first the drink to me was awful but eventually I began to like it. It had a sweet taste to it.

A week later we were in his place, I was getting ready to take a shower and he accidently walked into the bathroom. It was late…very late about three o’clock in the morning. I wasn’t wearing anything but a red lace hipster. All he was wearing was boxers. When he walked in my first instinct was to cover my breast which I did. But then he looked me over and I looked at his eyes and I just melted. He quickly walked to my side and grabbed me by the hips and placed me on the counter while I hungrily kissed him and bit his lips, he seemed to like it. He kept running his right hand through my breast while he held my neck very gently with his left hand. But at the same time pulling me closer to him. Next thing I know his right hand is running down my body and were laying on the floor while he slowly pulls down my lace.

That was my first time. It wasn’t planned and I didn’t see it coming at the time either. After that night we began to go on dates and well everyone in the club then began to classify us as a “couple” which neither of us minded. We always smiled when we were together. But we both knew one day I will leave and it was just a matter of time. My goal was to save up three thousand so I could leave but at the time I had up to two thousand six hundred dollars by the end of the week I would have reached and passed my goal. Those days became sad and unwanted. But we both made them count. We shared all our time together even when we were working and we kept smiling trying to forget what was to come.

I did leave that coming Friday I didn’t use any of my money though. He gave me an extra five thousand and paid for my ticket. He drove me to the air port and walked me to the plane. Before I boarded he kissed me very passionately and said I love you Sage, I’ll always love you those words will always stay in my mind exactly how they were said. We kept in contact for a while after that until I became famous. He didn’t really like the fact of me being on television or tours or anything really. That really broke my heart because out of all people I thought he would support me. But he didn’t.

When I got to New York I got a small apartment and a part-time job at a diner. I began to sing and perform on karaoke night. Everyone loved my songs. I wrote them myself and performed them. I even danced. Until eventually word got out and Hollywood records sent an agent to check me out. The truth is I didn’t even know they had done that until the agent came up to me after I performed and offered to take me to Hollywood records studio to record. I of course excitedly agreed. I was nineteen years old when that happened, that was when I got my tattoo now I’m twenty and I’m proud of everything I’ve done. But I don’t have everything I want…

 I want to love someone; I want to be loved.