Life Is The School Love Is The Lesson

A Place to Start

I live in this simple two-bedroom house on a private lake.

Welcome to my first chapter.  I am sitting at my laptop at my big desk with a view of the lake from my window.  I moved here from the City, and while it has taken some Getting Used To, I am living a dream in this beautiful place in the mountains.

I am at a time in my life when I want to do something besides fulfill my career and pay my bills from month to month.  My life seems all about work, even from childhood... constantly striving to be good enough, brave enough, strong enough.  As a single person, I still strive in extreme fashion and lately I wonder What I am trying to Prove and to Whom?  

My recent move inspires me to decompress; to be creative.  To learn to live in the Now, in the moment.  To find a way to stop "do"ing and start "be"ing.    

I have always been able to entertain myself quite well and this has made it easier to tolerate living alone most of my life.  I have come to enjoy my own company and have become discerning when it comes to opening my life up in intimacy with others. My conscience is clear and I am learning to accept myself, a strange balance of flaws and perfections and everything in between.

Underneath it all, however, I have a quiet but ever-present gnawing at my heart and soul that ebbs and flows in a desire for relationship.  To feel passion and yes, to feel the expanding and strange discomfort of loving and being loved.  

It's grey and overcast day today but the fireplace is going and a cup of tea and Jake at my feet.  At various times of each day I still wonder what I'd be doing if I had remained in the New York.  My life was so hectic there.  Something happened inside of me, like something broken in my spirit, the day the World Trade Center was attacked.  Until then I totally loved living in New York.  For a short time afterwards I loved it more somehow.  As the dust settled, it left room for a lot of human compassion and kindness in the air.  Nonetheless, the event made me restless.  It triggered a firm decision to change my life; to simplify. Without a plan in place, it seems that destiny drew me to this lake in the mountains.

Life is full of special moments here.  Tonight the crickets are chirping and the breeze wafts through the leaves on the hillside trees.  I can hear the waves rippling on the dark lake below. All is full of life here.  

I am ready to turn in for the night and as I get into bed I remember NY.  If I still lived there I'd be just getting ready to go out for the evening!  For a few moments, the sirens and horns, traffic noise and shouts of people on the city streets take the place of the crickets and ripples.  NY served me well.   I will always hold it dear to my heart.