LIKE I CAN ━ Steve Harrington ✓

08 - MONSTER

MONSTER

GUILT WAS A SILENT KILLER. Sitting at home, Huckleberry with his head on Grayson's chest while he cried and contemplated life was starting to become a common thing. Maybe Grayson was a shitty person, no, he definitely was a shitty person. What he was doing was wrong, beyond wrong. Then why did it feel so good? Why did kissing Steve make his life feel like everything was going so perfectly right? God, he was a mess. His mind was a mess. In an attempt to calm his mind, he pressed play on his stereo. Of course, since the universe was cruel, the album he happened to have in his stereo was Rumors by Fleetwood Mac, an album by and for people cheating on each other. He shut off the music. Sighing, he got up and walked over to the record collection that took over his bookshelf. He used to read as a kid, but as he got older those books were replaced by cassette tapes one by one. Pondering over his collection, he finally settled on his favorite: The Wall by Pink Floyd. Nothing like a dose of healthy rebellion and childhood trauma to lighten the mood. The steady sounds of In The Flesh? began and Grayson laid back down on his bed, closing his eyes softly. Just as he was nodding off to sleep, there was a knock on his window, startling him out of his rest.

Grayson walked over to the window and opened it, almost expecting Steve as if this were the summer. However, it was the person the boy least wanted to face at the moment: Matthew. He did his best to put a brave face and attempted to greet his boyfriend, the word made him gag thinking of what he had done, but Matthew pushed him away. In fact, he pushed him so hard, Grayson fell back onto his bed, scaring Huckleberry off of the bed and out the door. After the dog left, the boy shut and locked it, even though his parents weren't home. Still, he had to be sure. If he had a locked a door a few months ago, he wouldn't be in the situation he is now.

"What's wrong, Matt?" Grayson asked in an attempt to sound like he wasn't the worse human being to walk this earth at the very moment. "You're being weird."

"Oh, I'm the one being weird?" Matthew said with a raised eyebrow, anger clear in his voice even though the volume wasn't quite raised. "You know what's weird? I didn't see my boyfriend all lunch even though we agreed to meet at the bleachers when we were in third together, so I go looking for him, like the worried and kind boyfriend that I am. But lo and behold, my boyfriend is just fine, sitting in his car and kissing another boy. Not just any boy, but Steve Harrington, who has a girlfriend, which makes not just you, but both of you cheating douchebags who honestly deserve each other because they have no idea what effect their actions have on other people nor the consequences of their actions. Funny how things work out like that, right?"

The dark-haired boy was silent, not even trying to defend himself. He had no right to defend himself because Matthew was completely correct in this situation and had every right to be speaking the way he was. His silence didn't stop tears from welling in his eyes, though. He didn't deserve to cry, but his body didn't seem to get the memo.

"You're not even gonna fucking say anything?" Matthew seethed, putting his face in his hands, "I was so stupid to think someone like you could ever love me. I guess this is my fault, I knew you weren't over your ex, I just wish your ex wasn't him. I don't deserve to have my heart broken by someone like you and I really wish you would stop doing that. I mean, first, you can't even tell me you love me unless it's a lie and then you go and cheat on me with your ex whom you said you hated. Funny, how I believed you."

Grayson stayed silent. His throat was dry and numb, but his eyes weren't. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared out the window his boyfriend, or well, ex-boyfriend had come through moments ago.

"Say something, you fucking coward," Matthew yelled. It was the first time Grayson had ever heard him raise his voice. It was heartbreaking. He wished he could take it all back, but maybe this was meant to be. Matthew was never meant to be his forever, he just hated that things were going to end like this.

"I can't," was all Grayson was able to force out, his words cutting his throat like razor blades, "You're right. You don't deserve this."

To his surprise, Matthew laughed, but it was humorless and bitter, "I am so fucking tired of having my heart broken by you, Grayson Howard Mills. I mean, I wanna say he's got nothing on me, but he's fucking hot and you two are lucky to have each other. I was never the one you wanted, I was just your fucking consolation prize. Have a nice fucking life, Grayson."

Without another word from either boy, Matthew hopped out the window, slamming it shut so hard behind him the wall shook. Grayson sat there and cried, feeling numb, the soft sounds of The Happiest Days of Our Lives playing in the background. Oh, the bitter irony. When did lying and cheating and breaking hearts become the person Grayson was? What happened to the boy he used to be? He used to be Saturdays at Benny's with the twins, but now Benny was dead and the place was closed, just like Grayson. I mean, he didn't actually kill himself like the man, but he felt just void. Like he was all cried out and numb. He used to be summer nights at the drive-in with Steve, he used to be laughs and smiles. Now all he did was cry, eat, sleep, and go to school. What a life he was living, these truly were the happiest days of his life, weren't they? He could only laugh at that. He was a mess and he really deserved nothing but a punch in the face.

Grayson didn't sleep that night, he was too busy picking up the pieces of the heart he didn't deserve to have.

I'm still only on episode 3 so buckle up it's a long ass ride until the end of this and there's still time for so much angst