In Your Dreams

Chapter 15: Just keep swimming

When I wake up at five on Sunday to rush over to the pool for practice, I wonder why I didn't go to bed earlier. Of course, that would have interrupted Casey's time with her parents, and while last night wasn't easy, something tells me I wouldn't be feeling so much better if I hadn't gone to the creek and run into Chris.

Monday morning and Tuesday morning are a lot like Sunday morning, but with classes. The routine feels like a hard shock, like being dunked in cold water. I tell Casey multiple times to please make sure I start going to bed early, which to her means literally tucking me into bed at night, which I'm too tired to stop her from doing. I've always loved swimming, but this is my first time being part of a professional team, and it's both exhilarating and exhausting.

Peacefully, all thoughts fly from my head when I hit the water. Every stroke draws me deeper into my happy place; every kick empowers me. The water supports me, holds me, hugs me, and not even Hazel's complete lack of sunshine can crack my inner contentment.

Coach Jansen's voice cuts through lap number twenty-six on Tuesday morning. "Okay, we're done."

Rachel stops swimming and grabs onto the wall, huffing. "I can't tell if that translates to 'good job'"—she catches her breath—"or 'there's no hope.'"

Coach Jansen stops mid-stride and turns, pausing just before looking over her shoulder, then straightens and marches towards the shallow end of the pool.

Rachel lowers her voice. "She didn't hear me, did she?"

I lean on the wall next to her and watch as Coach Jansen mutters something to Coach Diten, who was in the middle of talking to Brian. "I'm pretty sure she did."

Rachel nods solemnly. "And she didn't comment on the no-hope thing, huh."

"Swimmers!" Coach Jansen's voice freezes everyone in their tracks. "We need to talk. Now."

My heart, which just started beating at its regular post-cardio-workout rate, starts to pick up again. I climb out of the pool and stand up on two shaking legs, careful as I slosh through lukewarm puddles to Coach Jansen and Diten. I have to remind myself that the reason the water feels so cool is because I'm getting further from the pool, and not because I'm approaching Coach Jansen. I stop next to Rachel, Chris, Jazz and Brian, wrapping my arms around myself and giving the guys a nod.

Coach Jansen waits until we're all standing around her, then waits some more. The silence starts to crawl up my spine. I try to control my nerves but my body is going into panic mode without my permission.

"As you all know, this Friday is the first swim competition of the season. I cannot stress enough how important this event is."

Now my body has my permission.

"You won't be swimming just for yourselves—you'll be swimming for your school, too. And they'll be here, watching from the stands." She gestures to the large gallery behind and above her. "The swimmers you're competing against come from all over the region. They've been training, too, just as hard as you have. They want the exact same thing and they—"

Coach Diten clears his throat, startling Coach Jansen, who blinks rapidly, as though just realizing she's talking to real live human beings who have feelings and aren't impervious to demoralization. She nods respectfully. "Max."

Coach Diten steps forward onto her invisible platform. "Thank you." He beams, sweeping his gaze around the group, effectively clearing the air of negative energy. "The first competition of the season sends a message to the other schools. It tells them whom they're up against for the rest of the season. It reminds them why our school consistently attracts top talent across the province every year." He smiles. "And it's also a chance to do what we love most, right? Swim!" He throws his hands up. "Come on, guys, say it with me!"