Merry Christmas! Apologies- this chapter is not very joyful but I'm thinking of writing a small short festive story to make up for it? I hope that you all had an amazing day and, if you didn't, I'm sure the new year will bring beautiful opportunities 💛
Have a good time reading (and a good day/night),
El x
[...]
Freddie's PoV
'Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on your troubles will be out of sight'
A stray tear crawls down my face as I sing Will's favourite Christmas song. He loves the heartfelt nature of it, the soothing baritone of Frank Sinatra's voice. I doubt that my voice does the song justice but I sing it anyway, hoping to prompt some sort of response.
'Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on your troubles will be miles away-'
Nothing.
My hands tremble as I reach forward to clutch his, another verse slipping out of my mouth like a sorrowful breath-
'Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more'
I laugh at the irony, my heart clenching and my headache worsening. Megan says that I have to rest, that I need to carry on, to live my life like everything is normal.
But I can't.
Because Will is in a coma and it's all my fault.
Megan told me that, when she found him lying there, he'd been trying to call me. If I hadn't forgotten about prayer then mother wouldn't have been upset- I could've been there for him; I could've done something
I'll never forgive myself.
Apparently they found me, the night of the accident, bruised and battered on my bed. I woke up in the hospital, with no one there to support me- except from a tired looking doctor and a stressed nurse. Mother refuses to see me, she sits at home and cries most of the day away.
At times, her sobs are absolutely unbearable- filled with pure sorrow for the man that made my life hell.
I tried to comfort her, the other day, but she backhanded me so hard that I blacked out again; woke up with a concussion.
Father got arrested; that was my fault too.
He was running an illegal drug ring; the police have been after him for months. Megan led them directly to my house, and my very drunk father answered the door. They found me unconscious in the attic and...he got more years added on.
Mother had a rough mark on her face, from when he slapped her too roughly, so they assumed domestic abuse. They never suspected that she joined in with the torture.
I feel dejected from my reality. This all sounds hopeful- like a happy ending. Fathers in jail and Will is going to wake up with no repercussions or problems, like in those romance novels.
But life is not a romance novel, life is bleak and bland and downright disappointing at times.
I want to have a 'merry little Christmas' but I can't.
Today is the 20th December; two weeks have passed since he collapsed and Christmas is only 5 days away.
The doctors aren't hopeful and neither am I.
I grip my hands in my hair, tugging at the strands and choking out my pain. My bruises feel numb, my brain feels numb, my life feels numb.
Numb
Numb
Numb
The doctors say that the pain from his leg numbed his other pain...
Numb
Numb
Numb
The pain landing on a glass shard.
Numb
Numb
Numb
And although he may be blind in one eye, I'll never let my love towards him numb.
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The Pajama Kid
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