Amelia Davenports Not So Serious Death | 18+

Chapter 5: Not So Serious Thoughts

Oh the ever so sweet sound of silence. Nothing could compare to it. Although for some... that silence isn't always so sweet. Instead of bringing that person peace and comfort it brings them dread and fear. Overwhelming them with all of the negative thoughts and emotions that are constantly racing through their minds. Things that need to be done, things that you should have said or shouldn't have, things that you hope to happen or hope won't happen. All constantly nagging at you from the inside.

Amelia is no stranger to this. She knows the struggle of wanting to be in silence but also dreading the idea of being alone with her own thoughts.

Being afraid of your own thoughts and mind has to be one of the deepest struggles because you can't run away from yourself.

Amelia

I let out a deep sigh as I lay across my bed painting my fingernails a glossy gel, strawberry pink. I love that glossy gel look, it makes me feel happy. As I lay there my mind starts to race and wander. I swear I always think at a rapid speed and my brain never shuts off.

I can't believe I'm actually going to fake my death and leave all this shit finally behind me. I'll finally be able to start over. Create my own world... But what about Caelynn. What is she gonna do without me? What are my parents going to do to her? Will her life start to go to hell just like mine had? Am I leaving only to leave her with the same fate?

Tears begin to form in my eyes, "No you're not going to start crying and feeling bad about this now. Caelynn will understand." I assure myself as the tears threaten to escape.

God, I hope I'm making the right choice and not going to be making everything worse.

I'll still stay in contact with Cae, she knows I could never fully leave her behind. She's my little sister and truly the only best friend I've ever had. I know she won't blab to anyone about my new identity and life. I trust her more than I even trust myself.

The white oak, hand carved door to my bedroom swings open, snapping me out of my deep thoughts and back into the harsh reality of the real world.

"Amelia. My dear. What are you still doing sitting up here?" My witch of a mother acts as if she is exasperated by having to even ask the question.

"I'm painting my nails."

She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs, "You're supposed to be ready and downstairs already."

I look down at my tight pink baby tee, and white boot cut yoga pants. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing? I think I'm ready enough." I smirk snidely.

"You look like a whore! Bennett and his parents will be over soon so you can apologize and beg for him to take you back since you tried to embarrass him."

I hop off of my bed. "Are you fucking kidding me?! I already told you I'm not apologizing to him and I'm most definitely NOT getting back together with him. He is the definition of a narcissist and I want nothing to do with that anymore. I'm sick of taking a backseat in my own life. He is not allowed to control me anymore and neither are you! I'm not your puppet child anymore!" I scream at the top of my lungs with everything in me as if it's the last thing I will ever say, and in all honesty it very well could be... My family is very connected and have friends in the highest of places. You never know what strings they could pull to truly have me silenced forever.

"Amelia, I believe your father and I have made ourselves quite clear. Your back talk, disrespect, and irresponsibility will not be tolerated."

On the inside I'm screaming and balling my eyes out, going into a full blown meltdown but I can't show weakness on the outside especially to my mother. So what do I do instead? I laugh hysterically out of anger.